Obama is a Muslim?!? NO WAY!

Obama is not a Muslim.  Let's say that again, shall we...

Obama. Is. Not. A. Muslim.

Ok, now that we got that out in the open.

IF Obama WERE a Muslim (which he isn't) why would it matter?  I know that I didn't vote on him based on his religious views!  And frankly, if you are voting for someone based solely on their religious views, then you're doing it wrong.  It doesn't matter if he's a Muslim or a Christian or a damn Pastafarian.  We voted for him based on the politics, right?  We voted for him based on what we thought he could do for the country.  I voted for him because out of the options presented, he was the lesser of two evils.

I don't like everything Obama has done.  There have been moments where I've been intensely frustrated and upset with the current political climate, from the President down.  But when I talk about being unhappy with the President, I talk about being unhappy because of his Politics.  Not because he's black or because he has gray hair or because his kids have a dog instead of a cat.  It's because of the Politics.

I'm getting pretty tired of all this.  I don't care if people don't like the guy, really I don't.  And I don't mind debating that.  But man...the personal attacks have got to stop!

I know there are a lot of people who go on about, 'If we don't like Obama, we're called racists!!!!'  No.  If you don't like Obama for bullshit reasons, or if you come straight out and say that you don't like him because he's black...THEN you are a racist.  If you don't like Obama because you think he's a Muslim or because you don't think he was really born in the US or any of the other shit reasons...what would you call yourself?

I had an argument on facebook tonight (yeah, I know, I need to not waste my time with that) that made me see red.  The person was going on about how Obama was a Muslim, and how he was bringing Islam to the US and outlawing all other religions.  All I could do was gape at my screen and try not to scream.

If you are going to make accusations like that, you'd best be prepared to back them up.  If you are going to claim that Christians in the Military are being kicked out because they pray in public, then I want to see some evidence of that.  And something from a hardcore conservative website isn't going to cut it.  Sorry.  You'd feel the same if I did it with a hardcore liberal website.

Yeah.  That's just really frustrating for me.  Like I said--don't like the guy, that's fine.  But this crap is not ok.

Boston and Politics

It's been a difficult week for Americans.  There has been death and senseless destruction and horror.  Tears of pain as we watch our fellow Americans hurting and tears of joy as we see the amazing side of humanity that we so often miss.  Many of us are emotional raw, many of us are scared, many of us mourn.  The City of Boston and the entire county has drawn together during grief and sadness.

For the most part, we've seen the good in the world this week, in the wake of tragedy.

And then there is everyone else.

I've tried to ignore it, but it's hard to do.  The assholes who are trying to make this about them, who are trying to use this as a spring board for their own political platform.  If it was just the politicians, I could almost forgive it.  But then you add in the journalists on both sides of the spectrum, along with the all of the internet and their love for making stupid memes.

You know what we should be doing right now?  We should be mourning the people who died in the bombings and the people who were terribly injured.  We should pray (if that's your bag of tea) for everyone who has been affected.  We should be thankful that it wasn't much worse.  We should offer our profuse thanks to the Emergency Workers who handled the situation with speed and aplomb.  We should ask ourselves what we would do in an emergency situation and how we would handle it.  We should be grateful that the bombers are no longer on the street and we should be hopeful that the second suspect is able to shed light on why they did what they did.

You know what we shouldn't be doing right now?  Making this into a goddamn political statement.  Do you know what using a tragedy to stage a political grandstand makes you?  It makes you an asshole.  A complete and utter asshole.

Stop it, ok?  Stop posting stupid cartoons on facebook effectively pointing and laughing at the other side of the political spectrum for being wrong.  Stop making shitty comments about how this tragedy could have been prevented with better gun control or whatever.

And this isn't just directed at the hardcore conservatives.  Oh no.  There are plenty of liberals out there being assholes too.

Stop it.  All of you.  You look like assholes and you kind of make me want to slap you.

You aren't pithy.  You aren't funny.  You are the reason that our country is so divided.  Put aside your stupid political bullshit for, I don't know, even a fucking week, and actually work together.  At the very least, let the families mourn in peace before using their loved ones for your political maneuvering.

Also, before you say it, yes...I know that we aren't alone in having had a rough week.  I know that people are dying all over the world.  I know that soldiers are dying.  I know that terrible things are happening every minute all over.  I know that.  I get that.  That doesn't lessen what we're going through right now.

Prayin' the Gay away

(Alright, I fail miserably today, apparently.  The article reference below is apparently just satire.  *facepalm* I feel like a dumb ass.  However, I'm leaving the post up cause, well...I could see it happening.  So, just a fair warning!)

As a parent, I have a lot of responsibilities.  To teach my child right from wrong, to instill the moral compass that he will need to succeed in life.  To offer him as many opportunities as I can, to help him excel in life and whatever he wants to do.  To care for him and hold him and nurture him, physically and emotionally and spiritually.

To love him unconditionally, no matter what he decides to do with his life, and who he becomes.  Maybe down the line he'll realize that he's gay.  Or maybe he'll realize that he should have been born as a woman.  Or maybe he'll be a Republican.  No matter what he does, though, I will always love him.  He is my son.  That's one of the many responsibilities you agree to when you bring that little baby home from the hospital.

This couple obviously missed that memo.  They have put their 16 year old daughter up for adoption.  Pretty ridiculous, huh?  Why would you do that when your child is 16 and close to being on their own anyway?  Oh yeah, 'cause she's GAY.  And we all know that being gay is such a major, horrible, terrible thing.  /sarcasm

I'm trying to wrap my brain around this and I am failing miserably.  I know that there are many legitimate reasons for putting your child up for adoption...although I still think doing it when they are 16 is a little strange, no matter what the circumstance.  But doing it because they are gay?  Because their life choices are different than yours?

It breaks my heart.  This poor, poor little girl.  I just hope that she finds a wonderful family who will nurture her and love her and support her through the difficult years ahead of her.  The teen years aren't easy for anyone.  Especially for a teen who comes to realize that he or she is gay/bi-sexual/transgender.  She needs support and love and yes, she needs prayers...but not prayers that are aimed at getting her to change her mind or shove herself into a box where she doesn't fit.

I'm sorry, but these parents are terrible people.  They're better people than a couple that would say, kill their daughter for being gay.  But they're still terrible people and terrible parents.  Yeah, I can understand the shock...I can understand the worry and the dismay that your child will not be following your particular beliefs.  But, let's think about this for a moment.  If you are people who would be willing to give your child up for adoption for being gay, then you are likely a couple that is against gay marriage and homosexuals in general.  And most people are going to be vocal enough that their child will KNOW how they feel about homosexuals.

And she came out to them anyway.

Good for her.  Good for that brave and likely terrified little girl.

And to her parents?  They should be ashamed of themselves.

What are you afraid of?

The last few days, the internet has been chock full of debates revolving around gay marriage.  Is it right, is it wrong, should we make it legal, should we execute all gay people, should we make them all civil unions and let the churches decide if they want to marry anyone at all?  The last is the one I vote for, by the way.

Some debates have been civil and kind.  I have seen some similar red icons go up that are anti-gay marriage, in a silent protest.

Other debates have been absolutely horrifying.  Terrible, awful things have been said to one another-from both sides of the debate.

"You're a faggot who is going to get AIDS and die and you deserve to rot in hell!"

"You're an evil, hateful bigot who is probably hiding your own latent homosexual feelings deep inside!"

There have been some pretty horrible things thrown around.

Then there are many of us who wait, patiently, for the day that the rest of the country wakes up and realizes what they've been doing and what they've been saying.  I'm about as supportive of gay marriage as a person can get...and I'm starting to realize that there is only so much yelling I can do.

When someone tells me that gay marriage should be banned because the Bible says so, I'm still going to call them on it.  'Do you cut your hair?  Do you wear a poly-cotton blend?  Do you love bacon (really, who doesn't?)  Do you believe that women should be property, and we should all own slaves?  Have you stoned your neighbor lately for working on Sunday?'

You can't throw the bible at this topic and not at all the others.  You can't hide behind the words in Leviticus without upholding everything.

Doesn't that seem a little unfair?  Really.  No matter what side of the topic you land on, step back for a moment from your preconceived notions.  Is it fair to pick from the bible what topics you will follow, and which ones you will demand that your neighbors follow?  No matter how squicky you might think gay marriage is--is it fair?  Do we have the right to judge the sins of others?

We all take something different out of the Bible, and we all take something different out of religion.  My God is a God of love and compassion and beauty.  My God fills his/her children with love and calls on them to make the world a better place.  Not just in his name, and not just for her, but for all of us.

My God makes us each who we are for a reason.  She makes us left-handed or crazy good at math or clumsy or with an annoying laugh or with a beautiful face or with an ugly one.  He makes us gay or straight or bisexual or asexual or transsexual.  God makes us who we are.  God makes us that way for a reason.

Every person that God creates is beautiful.  Every person that God creates is perfect, in his or her own way.

That includes the gay people and the left-handed people and every person in between.

God doesn't hate.  Humans hate.  God loves.  God wants us to love.

Don't blame the bible for your hatred and for you desire to preserve the "sanctity of marriage."  That is solely on you, as a person.  Not on your religion.  You can blame society to an extent, but really...that is a personal choice.

So I have to ask...What are you afraid of?

Choose Love

If you haven't heard, the Supreme Court is discussing some very important topics over the next few days.  Today, they've tackled Proposition 8.  Tomorrow, it will be DOMA.  Now, it's likely that we won't know anything right away.  Apparently, it could take until June for the decision to be made public.

I sat here this morning, watching my son play with his little tool kit.  Someday, down the road, I will be able to sit with him and tell him about this point in history when everything changed.  Because no matter how the Supreme Court rules, it will change things for all of us.

I want my son to grow up knowing love, not hate.

Here's the thing.  There is no reason that anyone who wants to get married shouldn't be able to.  Marriage licenses are issued by the government, and theoretically, the government shouldn't care that some religions find it offensive.

Really, if we followed the biblical marriage laws, divorce would be outlawed, guys would have multiple wives, and women would essentially be property.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

I know that there are people who don't agree with me.  I know that there are people who are important to me who believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman.  It breaks my heart a little that there are people who still believe that.

Want to preserve the sanctity of marriage?  Outlaw divorce.  Outlaw 72-day marriages that are all about the glamour and hype.  Outlaw marriages of convenience.  Do these things happen with gay marriage?  Sure, absolutely...why?  Because even gay couples are human.

Of course, then there is the absurd argument that a gay couple can't possibly raise children in a safe and secure and happy home.  What a load of crap that is!  How many children do we have in the United States who would love to be adopted and have a loving home?  A child doesn't need a mother and a father in order to grow up to be a functional adult.  A child needs people who love it, who cherish it, who teach it right from wrong and who will go to the ends of the earth to ensure their child is happy and healthy and safe.

How many straight couples abuse their children, or ignore their children, or harm their children?  Again, I'm sure that there are gay couples that will do the same...but not any more than straight couples.

And then we have the, 'Gay couples can only raise gay children' argument.  Again, bullshit.

At the end of the day, why does it matter?  Why do Steve and Mary Smith CARE if Joe and Eric Jones get married?  How does it affect them at all?  Does it really make people feel better about themselves, and better about their lives, to hold others down?

Choose love.  Always.  Choose love.

Today, I changed my userpic on Facebook, and I shared every loving and affirming meme I could find.  My actions are small and insignificant, but I do what I can.  I send my support and my love and my prayers to the people who are telling their side of the story, and to the Supreme Court as they wade through a difficult decision.  Personally, I think it should be easy...but I know that it's hard for them, and I can understand why.

And I teach my son to love and not hate.

I think that's the most important thing that I can do.  To try to teach my children how to be better people, in hopes that by the time they are adults, this will be a thing of the past.

Thoughts on Rape Culture

I know that the rape culture exists.  I see it in my friends who have been sexually abused.  I see it in the media.  I see it in the way society portrays women, and the way we treat victims and abusers alike.

I read stories from women who talk about how they spend time every day debating what to wear, so that they don’t dress too provocatively.  Or too dumpy.  Or too trashy, too old, too…whatever.  They fix their hair a certain way and do their make up a certain way, just to make sure they don’t give anyone the wrong impression.

I’ve never done that.

Sure, sometimes when I’m going out to the club or bar, I consider what I’m going to wear.  But my mind never, NEVER goes to, ‘I shouldn’t wear this because someone might think I’m a slut and rape me.’  It’s more, ‘Is this going to make me look extra super fat and ugly tonight?  Do I really care?’  The answer is usually no.

I wonder why my mind does this.  Is it because I’ve been raised somewhere where rape isn’t prevalent?  Or is it because as someone who is morbidly obese, I figure that no one would want to rape me anyway?

The more I think about it, the more it worries me a little.  When I was younger, I wasn’t cautious.  I rarely went out to the bar alone, but that’s because I’m shy.  These days, I generally make sure I have a sober babysitter, but there have been many conventions where I haven’t had that.  Several of them, I almost got myself in trouble.

At one event in 2006, shortly after a breakup that left me in a very bad place, I went to a convention.  I was dating someone new, but I was still pretty messed up over things.  I used the convention as an excuse to drink way too much.  I started drinking Wednesday evening when we rolled into Louisville, and I was still drunk when we left Sunday morning.  I joke about this con a lot, because it’s where I had my infamous evening of introducing myself to everyone in the ballroom where we were partying.  Multiple times.  Even people that I knew.  Like, people that I knew really well, from my home town.

Maybe not a shining moment in my life.

Anyway, Saturday night of the convention, was epic drunkness.  This was the evening of the Midori in a squirt bottle.  Near the end of the night, I was in pretty bad shape.  There was one point where…well, somehow, the conversation turned to my boobs (that’s normal, right?)  And before I knew it, two of the guys I was hanging out with were groping me and kissing me.  I didn’t really mind, mostly because I was drunk.  Way too drunk.  Especially with guys that I didn’t know at all.

Luckily, a dear, dear friend was in the ballroom as the sober coordinator on duty.  As soon as he saw what was going on, he gently pried the guys off me.  I was in that drunk state where I didn’t really care—I was drunk and depressed and lonely.  He found two guys who were sober-ish and reliable, and sent them to walk me back to my hotel room.  Good thing I had an escort…stairs were difficult in my state.

I don’t know if I would have done anything with these guys.  I might have, even though I was dating someone at the time.  I know that makes me a terrible person, but then again—I was a very different person seven years ago.

Anyway.  It was just something strange that came to my mind.  I know that I am too trusting.  It’s something that I need to be aware of, and something that I think I need to be more careful about.

I’m still likely not going to worry too much about what I’m wearing when I leave the house.  Usually it’s just yoga pants and a tanktop.

But it’s still something to think about.

Not ok...

I want you to watch a video.  And if you are anything like me, it's going to be hard for you to stomach.  You might want to throw things or hit a pillow or cry.  But it's important to watch it anyway.

http://www.upworthy.com/cnn-pays-touching-tribute-to-the-rapists-who-attacked-a-16-year-old-girl

Where are the videos about the girl?  Where is the CNN tribute about how her life has been irrevocably changed due to the drunken stupidity of her classmates?  Where is her story, and where are the people who support her and love her and tell her that it's never going to be ok...but that life will eventually go on.

I'm furious about this.  I have righteous mommy rage over this.

Watching this video...well, the first boy didn't really seem terribly apologetic.  He apologized for taking the pictures and for them sitting around...he didn't really apologize for RAPING THE GIRL.  The second boy, yeah, his apology seemed a lot more heartfelt.  And I'm going to believe that, rather than assuming that he's just a good actor.  Yes, these boys are young, and their lives are going to be changed forever.  They are always going to carry this stigma with them.  Will it ruin their lives?  Perhaps.  If they let it.

Do they deserve it?  All of this and more?

You bet your fucking ass they do.

Actions have consequences.  It doesn't matter that they were all drunk and stupid...they should have stopped. Someone should have stopped them.  I read through many of the text messages and twitter posts that were sent the night of the rape and they're just...horrible.  There were some half-hearted attempts to stop this poor girls rape...but why didn't anyone call the cops?  Why didn't anyone go find their friends and force them to stop this?  Why did they let it go on?

Why didn't their parents teach them better than that?

I can't even imagine the heartache that the parents are feeling.  The parents of the victim as they watch their daughter go through something no one should have to endure, and the parents of the assailants, as they watch their children's lives fall apart, and wonder where they went wrong.  As a mother, my heart breaks for all of the people involved.  Yes, even the assailants.

Why don't more parents teach their sons that this is NOT OK.  Touching a girl, touching anyone, without their permission is NOT OK.  I'll never preach 'no sex before marriage' to my kids.  But I will absolutely make sure that they understand the repercussions of their actions.  Our sons--and our daughters--need to know that this is not ok.  Getting a girl drunk, taking her picture, and raping her...is not ok.  And the girl is not a whore because she gets raped.

It just...boggles my mind.  My heart breaks for this poor girl.  Not only was she violated, but all of her peers hate her.

Roland will be better than this.  And if he sees something like this happening, he'll stand up for the victim.  Because that is the way that we will raise our son.

I weep for a world where it's ok to blame the victim, and it's acceptable for news briefs to focus on the tragedy that the RAPISTS have lost out on their future.  That is not ok.  CNN, this is not ok.  What the hell kind of message are you sending here?