Prayin' the Gay away

(Alright, I fail miserably today, apparently.  The article reference below is apparently just satire.  *facepalm* I feel like a dumb ass.  However, I'm leaving the post up cause, well...I could see it happening.  So, just a fair warning!)

As a parent, I have a lot of responsibilities.  To teach my child right from wrong, to instill the moral compass that he will need to succeed in life.  To offer him as many opportunities as I can, to help him excel in life and whatever he wants to do.  To care for him and hold him and nurture him, physically and emotionally and spiritually.

To love him unconditionally, no matter what he decides to do with his life, and who he becomes.  Maybe down the line he'll realize that he's gay.  Or maybe he'll realize that he should have been born as a woman.  Or maybe he'll be a Republican.  No matter what he does, though, I will always love him.  He is my son.  That's one of the many responsibilities you agree to when you bring that little baby home from the hospital.

This couple obviously missed that memo.  They have put their 16 year old daughter up for adoption.  Pretty ridiculous, huh?  Why would you do that when your child is 16 and close to being on their own anyway?  Oh yeah, 'cause she's GAY.  And we all know that being gay is such a major, horrible, terrible thing.  /sarcasm

I'm trying to wrap my brain around this and I am failing miserably.  I know that there are many legitimate reasons for putting your child up for adoption...although I still think doing it when they are 16 is a little strange, no matter what the circumstance.  But doing it because they are gay?  Because their life choices are different than yours?

It breaks my heart.  This poor, poor little girl.  I just hope that she finds a wonderful family who will nurture her and love her and support her through the difficult years ahead of her.  The teen years aren't easy for anyone.  Especially for a teen who comes to realize that he or she is gay/bi-sexual/transgender.  She needs support and love and yes, she needs prayers...but not prayers that are aimed at getting her to change her mind or shove herself into a box where she doesn't fit.

I'm sorry, but these parents are terrible people.  They're better people than a couple that would say, kill their daughter for being gay.  But they're still terrible people and terrible parents.  Yeah, I can understand the shock...I can understand the worry and the dismay that your child will not be following your particular beliefs.  But, let's think about this for a moment.  If you are people who would be willing to give your child up for adoption for being gay, then you are likely a couple that is against gay marriage and homosexuals in general.  And most people are going to be vocal enough that their child will KNOW how they feel about homosexuals.

And she came out to them anyway.

Good for her.  Good for that brave and likely terrified little girl.

And to her parents?  They should be ashamed of themselves.

I hear a lot about the 'War on Women.'  We see a lot of it in the news.  From women who are told that as 12-year olds, they're to blame for their rape to states such as Kansas and North Dakota passing more stringent abortion laws.

Here's the thing.  I'm pro-choice.  I will always be pro-choice.  That does not mean I'm 'pro dead baby' or 'pro death.'  It means that I respect and support that every woman (and man--takes two to tango) has the right to make her own choice.

It's not an easy choice for any woman to make.  No one grows up with the thought, 'Oh man, I can't wait until I get older and I can have an abortion!  Won't that be FUN?!'  Women have abortions every day for a wide variety of reasons.

Some do it because they were stupid and made a mistake.

Some do it because they are in an abusive relationship and can't stand the thought of bringing a child into that kind of environment.

Some women have children already, and can't afford any more.

Some women find themselves pregnant with a child that is wanted and they've discovered that there is something drastically wrong with the child.

It's not an easy choice for a woman to make.  The choice is made all the more difficult by people who treat her like shit because of her decision.

Can you imagine being pregnant and wanting that child desperately, and discovering that there is something wrong?  I have nothing but respect for the women who choose to carry pregnancies that they know will result in the death of their child.  I have just as much respect for the woman who chooses to terminate a pregnancy so that she can spare her child as much suffering as possible.

Not every abortion is the result of booze and promiscuity.

France has adopted a new policy on birth control and abortion.  Abortions up to 12 weeks are legal for anyone, and are completely paid for.  After 12 weeks, an abortion will only be performed with the consent of two physicians  and only in the case of danger to the mothers life or a severe and terminal birth defect.  Girls aged 15-18 have access to free and anonymous birth control.  The idea is that the latter will help with the former.

I like their idea on abortion.  Obviously, in this country, they will never be free.  That's ok.  But I like the rest of it.  In France, women have to wait a week before having an abortion performed, although the time limit can be lifted if a woman is nearing the 12-week mark.

As for birth control...if we made birth control readily available to anyone for free or very inexpensive, I think there would be a huge drop in abortions.  Make it so women can get birth control without jumping through hoops, without being humiliated, without feeling like society thinks they're whores or that they're only good for popping out babies.  Let them go to Planned Parenthood without having to wade through protesters who make them feel terrible.

Sex is fun.  Sex should be fun.  We have the technology, we have the ability to prevent unwanted pregnancies.  And yes, it's each persons responsibility to prevent those unwanted pregnancies.  We should not be made to feel guilty for taking those precautions.  And if they fail?  We should not be made to feel guilty for making the choice to not bring a life into this world.

I read an article the other day about how abortion and gay marriage used to be on similar standing.  These days, gay marriage is becoming more and more acceptable (YAY!) while abortion is still a totally taboo topic.  It comes down to the fact that women are afraid to admit when they've had an abortion.  I think they're even afraid to admit that they've ever even considered it.  It doesn't come up in conversation, women don't 'come out of the closet' and admit to having had an abortion.

It's estimated that 22% of pregnancies end in abortion.  1.21 million in 2008.  There's a pretty damn good chance that we all know at least one woman who has had an abortion.

I know there are people out there who say that abortion should be completely outlawed.  They say that these unwanted children should be given up for adoption, or that the parents should just suck it up.  That women need to be more careful, and that if they really don't want to get pregnant--they just shouldn't have sex.

Although I've never tried it, my understanding is that adopting a child in the US is incredibly difficult.  Even though there are many people who would love to adopt, there are always children who are never able to find families.  So that is just putting more children in the foster system.

So, yeah.  I'm pro-choice.  It's not a choice that I could make, but I can completely understand why that choice would be made.  And if we want to see the abortion rate drop?  Then guilting women and badgering them and making their lives a living hell is not the way to do it.

The Power of Prayer-Faith, part 2

I'm sure most people find this to be incredibly hokey.  Prayer doesn't heal people, prayer doesn't save, science and medicine is what fixes our ailments.

I suppose I should clarify first.  I believe in the collective unconscious   I think that we are all connected.  Sometimes, I wonder if we believe in God because he exists...or if he exists because we believe in him.  Now before anyone gets huffy, hear me out on this.  If no one believed in God, if no one thought about him at all, then he would cease to be.  Epic disasters that are chalked up to him would be dismissed as nature.  Miracles that are attributed to him would be considered great feats of science.  Most things in our world CAN be explained away, if you try hard enough.

Not that that is ever likely to happen.

I feel that many people need that divine power and that guiding light.  It's not that we need God to teach us right from wrong, though there are some good morals in the bible (and yes, there are some negative parts as well.)  It's that we need God as a reason to connect to other people.

Humans are social creatures, right?  That's pretty obvious in this day and age with Twitter and Facebook and G+ and e-mail and the myriad of ways that we have to stay connected.  Religion, at one point, was one of the only ways that people had to connect with one another.  They worked six days out of the week and took that seventh day to visit with others.  Many people go to church because they require that sense of community that they are able to find.

Myself, I have a hard time finding that sense of community in a church.  I know that my church is out there somewhere, just waiting for me to find it.  It's probably some crazy hippy church that meets in a meadow of wildflowers or something.  I can totally dig it.

So people need community.  That's why many people need religion and need faith.  Personally, I think that the community that a church can offer is WAY more important than the spiritual message.  Coffee and cookies are good for the soul...and while an inspiring sermon can be as well, if you are someone who doesn't grasp what is being said (I have a hell of a time following lectures and sermons and such, and I'm not a theologian, so sometimes things just don't click) then the coffee and cookies are what feed you.  That's what feeds many people.  That's why churches that don't have a thriving community to back them up eventually wither and die.

So anyway.  The power of prayer.

I don't think that anyone can deny that positive thoughts are more productive than negative ones.  You may not see many miraculous healings...but you do see people getting better.  You see them FEEL better, because there is power in prayer.  Through the collective unconscious.

This is another topic that people will disagree with, and that's ok.  I don't expect anyone to believe what I believe.  Faith is unique to each person, we all find the way that fits us best.  My faith is different than my husband's and it will be different than my children's.  I will encourage our children to find their own way, and find what feels best for them.  That may be atheism, or they may be Pastafarians, or Jewish or Buddhist or whatever is best for them.

Faith

This post is partly for me, to help me get my thoughts out on paper, and partly for a dear friend of mine.  He challenges my beliefs (but never in a bad way) and sometimes, it's easier for me to say, 'Here.  This is what I believe.  This is why I believe it.'

I don't care for organized religion, as a general rule.  Church is not easy for me for many reasons.  I often feel out of place in the congregation and uncomfortable.  Most of the time, I feel like people who are socializing with me are doing it out of a sense of obligation and out of no real desire to welcome me.

Many times, I feel like I am being judged.  And that's before I tell them anything about myself.

I am usually afraid to be myself in church.  I don't want to talk about my hobbies--gaming and SCA--because I don't want to be judged.  I feel uncomfortable because I have body piercings (I was at Sunday School once, and a lady was going on and on and on about how body modifications are evil.)  I don't feel like I can be me at church.  When I talk about my thoughts on gay marriage and abortion and all of the other social issues, I worry that I'm going to be judged.  Or worse, told to not come back to church.

If it were just me, I wouldn't give a crap.  I would be myself and let my freak flag fly and never worry about it.  But with the situation Colin is in, I can't really do that.  I have to be perfect, because I'm the future Pastor's Wife.  It's a very tense thing for me.

I don't find any joy in church.  Sometimes, I find beauty in the music or in the message.  I don't find the sense of community that many find.  I'm sure a lot of that is because I feel obligated to go.

Anyway.  I'm not a fan of organized religion.  This is well established.

Despite all of that, I am a very spiritual person.

So this friend of mine is an atheist.  Which, of course, I am perfectly fine with.  It's hard for me to describe my faith and my personal religion, though.

Why do I believe?

Most things in the world can be explained by science.  There are hard facts to back it up.  I readily admit all of this.

I know that there is something more.  I know it when I cuddle my little baby.  I know it when I see the amazing night sky that you get in the middle of nowhere.  I feel it when I am surrounded by friends and loved ones, and I know that I am safe and loved.

I know that you can't prove it.  There isn't anything physical that you can grab and touch and poke at.  But that doesn't mean that it isn't there, and it doesn't mean that it isn't real.

Not everyone has that same feeling.  And that's ok.  

I don't believe that God is some omnipotent being that sits up there and pokes at us like we're puppets.  We're not his personal playthings.  He doesn't screw up our lives for fun.  I don't believe that God is very hands on at all.

People have said before, 'If God is real, why do horrible things happen?  Why does he allow us to suffer?'  We were given free will.  We have the ability and the right to choose our lives and our own destinies.  Sometimes those choices have horrible consequences.  

Sometimes people do horrible things.  Sometimes they even do them in the name of religion and God.

I don't think God would appreciate that very much.

So why do I believe?  Why do I have my faith?  Because for me it just feels right.  I don't care for church, but I pray and I worship in my own way.  I commune with God privately every day, in the little things that happen in my life.

I feel like I would be lonely without that presence of the divine in my life.  Call it God or Goddess or Flying Spaghetti Monster, that is your personal choice.  But for me, personally, having a greater power--even if it is an ambivalent power that rarely touches our lives--gives me a sense of comfort.

I have faith because it is warm, because it is comfortable and because it makes me happy.  There are many things in the Bible and in organized religion that I do not agree with and will never agree with.  But I have my faith and I hold on to my faith.  My faith has in part made me who I am today.

I don't know if this actually offers any explanation or if it's just more confusing.

Oh where is my hairbrush!

My child is so odd at times.

My dad has long hair.  He's kinda a hippy like that.  And he keeps his hair brush in the living room on the table next to his seat.  That's just where it lives.  Roland loves playing with Grandpa's brush.  It's seriously one of his favorite toys in this house that is bursting at the seams with little boy play things.

He loves to brush other peoples hair.  Including the dogs, although I don't think Piper much appreciates that. He doesn't quite know how to do it right, but he definitely gives it a good college try.  And luckily, it doesn't hurt too much...he has yet to tangle the brush in my hair, so I count myself lucky.

And he loves to have his hair brushed.  He'll bring the brush over to you and set it on your lap and then lay his head down on your leg.  That's when you know you're in for a lengthy hair brushing.  So you brush and brush his hair and he lays there and coos and is totally content.  Sometimes, he practically falls asleep on you.  

Tonight, I spent half an hour brushing his hair and his back.  He really seems the love the feel of the hair brush, even when I was just running the bristles over his back and neck, he was still totally content.  I tried to urge him to sit up on my lap, but no...he wanted to stand there with his head on my leg.  It's really sweet and adorable and loving, even if it is a little odd.

He definitely has some quirks.  This is one of them.

Did i mention that he hardly has any hair at all?  Yeah, he's got some cute little curls in the back, but up on top he is pretty damn bald.  Hopefully this means that he won't fight the brush when he's older...

Just Write

If you love to write, or if you are a writer, or if you want to be a writer...you should read this

Number 22 is my favorite.

I always say to myself that I want to be a writer when I grow up.  That I would just love to make an impact on peoples lives.  I've been saying it now for years.

I think that I have finally realized that if I want to be a writer?  I need to actually write.  I might have the talent and the capability (and I might not, I'm willing to admit that as a possibility) but I'll never unlock that talent if I don't actually write.  No one is perfect right out the gate.

Last month, someone posted an amazing link in one of my G+ communities.  It was a link to the magic spreadsheet.  The idea behind the spreadsheet is that you have to write every day.  When you hit 250 words in the day--not too much, but enough to make you sit down in front of your computer or notebook and write--then you earn a point.  Points are cumulative, and you get more points if you write more.  If you miss a day, your chain resets to zero and you have to start all over again.

The goal is to teach you how to write every day.  Even on rough days when you're busy and stressed and frustrated, you can still bang out 250 words of something.  It doesn't matter if it's blog posts or poetry or fiction or non-fiction...all that matters is that you are creating something.  I'm on day 20, with over 20,000 words written.  That is just crazy...

So that is what I'm doing.  I'm blogging a lot--don't tell me you didn't notice--and trying to get through some creative writing.  While the blog posts might not be all that inspiring or beautiful, at least it is getting something out on paper.

Read those pieces of advice.  And then read them again.  And again.  Look at those pictures and absorb that advice until you can recite it in your sleep.  It's all good advice.  It's useful for every writer, not just the baby writers like me.

And you know what?  I am a writer.  Because I write.  I might not be a published writer, and I might never make a difference, but I am still a writer.

Death on a Platter

Several years ago, I was living with my favorite Kennifur ever.  I made this casserole, and he dubbed it, 'Death on a Platter.'  It's amazing and cheesy and creamy and absolutely delicious...and it's full of, well, death on a platter.  Of course, when I moved back to Montana, I named it thus, and it has been a Horinek-ism since then.

Eventually, I'll write all about Horinek-isms.  They're pretty hilarious, actually.

Once again, I don't use any real measurements in my cooking.

This casserole is incredibly versatile.  You can make it as a side dish with dinner (we love to have it with Prime Rib) or you can make it as a breakfast food.  You can add ham or hamburger, or you can just leave it plain.

Ingredients:

Shredded Hash browns

Sour Cream

Cream of Mushroom Soup

Shredded Cheddar Cheese

Crushed Potato Chips or Cornflakes

Mix together the hash browns, sour cream, cream of mushroom soup and shredded cheddar cheese.  You want it to be nice and creamy, but not overly so.  Tonight when I made my batch, I used three bags of hash browns, two large cans of cream of mushroom soup and one small can, a large container of sour cream, and three small bags of shredded cheese.  Of course, add salt and pepper and alpine touch to your hearts desire.

We like our casserole to be extra creamy, so take that into consideration.  Some people like it cheesier, some like to use Cream of chicken soup or cream of celery.  After you have everything well mixed, plop it all into a large pan.  I prefer using the disposable tinfoil pans.

Spread a nice, thick layer of chips over top of the casserole and press it down slightly.  Cover the pan in tinfoil and bake at 350 for an hour-ish.  You want to bake until it's bubbling over and heated all the way through.

This casserole also reheats really well.  It makes for some amazing leftovers.  It's also an awesome freezer dish.  If you want to make several of these at a time (I do) you can cover them tightly in tinfoil and freeze them.  Do not put the chips on the top, because they'll get soggy.  If you're feeling really adventurous, you can crush your chips and put them in a baggie along with the dish.

Very, very tasty meal!  This is one of my favorites.