What I'm thankful for - part 5

Today, I am thankful for my family.  Both blood and chosen.

My parents have always been incredibly supportive.  Any time I've been in trouble, they've been there to help.  It was no different when I called them to tell them I was pregnant.  I was pretty upset about it and scared to boot.  They both took off from work early, packed up some stuff, and drove 5 hours to come and see me.  Just to make sure I was going to be ok.  Just having them there for the support was amazing.

Since then, they've continued to be a bastion of support for us both.

In July, we were at my parents house for a family reunion.  At one point, while we were sitting there and relaxing, Colin looked at me and said, 'Let's just stay here.  Let's not go back to Missoula and just live with your parents.'  My mom was sitting there and she readily agreed.  We discussed it with my parents and spent several hours discussing it amongst ourselves.  We eventually decided that yes, moving up here to live with my parents would probably be for the best.

It's been nice living here.  We've redecorated the office and turned it into a nursery.  If we'd stayed in Missoula, Roland wouldn't have had a nursery...he would have been in a room with us.  But he has his own space.  They've helped us get a lot of the baby supplies we needed, from the butt-changing station to the antique bassinet that my dad and brother sanded and refinished for us.  Everyone here is excited about Roland.

Living here hasn't always been easy.  Sometimes, personalities clash.  The house is small and only has one bathroom for 5 adults.  But it's been good.  I feel safe and loved here.  I know that when Roland is born, Colin and I will have an immediate support group who will help us raise him.

And then there are Colin parents, who have also been amazingly supportive.  Their thoughts and prayers and words of encouragement have really helped us get through some difficult times.  They will be here after Christmas to visit us and the baby, and I can't wait to see them.  I wish that we were closer so we could see them more often, but we will make the best of the time we have!

We are so blessed to have such amazing families who support and love us unconditionally.

What I am thankful for - part 4

I've been slacking on these a bit.  You can't blame me too much, my brain isn't exactly in the game, so to speak.

Right now, I am thankful for our amazing friends.  Without you all, I have no idea where I would be.

When we found out that I was pregnant, it's no big secret that we were both terrified.  The sheer amount of love and support we got from our closest friends was just staggering.  The decisions that we made were not easy, and they came after lots of tears and hours of discussions and a lot of soul searching.  I know Colin spent a lot of time talking to people and working things out with them.  I tend to bottle and internalize my issues more than he does, but just getting the e-mails and the chats and the buzz responses made a huge difference.  Just knowing that we had this huge support group that was there for us no matter what we decided made me feel much less alone.

Thank you all, for that.  You will never know how much your words and support and prayers and love during those tumultuous weeks is appreciated.  I doubt we can ever repay the love, but we will try.

I am eternally grateful for the friends who are always there.  The ones who, even if we go for weeks without talking due to life getting in the way, still love me.  There are so many people out there who demand nigh constant attention...unfortunately, I have never been the type of person who can give that.  So having friends who are happy to see me when they can is a huge blessing.  There is nothing worse than your friends making you feel like crap because you don't spend enough time with them.

Colin and I have asked two people to be Roland's Godparents.  They're not really the traditional Godparents, but it was really important to me that we have people we cherish as our son's Godparents.  The adults that he can talk to if he doesn't want to come to us, the surrogate aunt and uncle who have that special bond with our child.  In reality, if he would have let me, I would have asked a lot of people to be his Godparents.  So many different people have made such an impact in his life already, through us.  Instead, he'll just have a ridiculous amount of honorary aunts and uncles.

So to all of our friends who have supported us over the last 30-some weeks, thank you.  We love you all.  Even though we don't say it as often as we should--at least, I know that I don't--we love you and appreciate you for everything you've done for us.

36 weeks

Today marks 36 weeks. Next week, I'll be full term. It's hard to believe that after all of this, SDay is right around the corner. On one hand, I'm so ready to meet our baby. On the other, I'm nervous about being a mom.

It's coming, whether or not I'm ready. Mostly, at this point, I'm just trying to stay very in tune with my body, so I know when its time.

28 days! And still so much to do! Eek!

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Having braxton-hicks contractions, likely cause I'm all wound up and keep getting out of bed to fuss in the nursery. They're not particularly painful, but they are strange.

I keep having to remind myself that the nursery is more for us. Roland doesn't care if everything is perfectly organized, so long as he has a handy boob, a clean diaper, and somewhere warm to sleep. But fussing and organizing and rummaging sure makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile!

I'm going crazy with the anticipation...what in the world am I going to do if little guy decides to continue his stubborn trend and come late?!?

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Future Christmas Traditions?

In case anyone missed it...I love Christmas. I'm not quite as crazy as my mom is, but I LOVE Christmas. I love the music and the smells and the baking...there isn't really anything about it I don't love. One of the most exciting parts about having a baby, for me, is introducing Roland to our family traditions and creating some of our own.

I saw this - http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/sabrina-babytalk/fun-elf-shelf?loc=hotlinks#.TsCX8Wa8M8o.facebook - today on Facebook, and I think it's adorable! I'm thinking we need one for our family traditions...

Rant

I know I've said this, but I will say it again. I really don't want to have to do this again.

For the record, I am NOT angry at anyone. I am not upset, I'm not avoiding you, I don't hate you. If I'm not responding to e-mails or texts or instant messages, it's not because I'm pissed. It's because I am dealing with MY life. I'm dealing with the fact that I will be having my son in 5 weeks, I'm going to school full-time, I'm working part-time and I am trying to adjust to our new life.

I'm sorry, I know that makes me a crappy friend. But Roland and Colin are the most important people in my life right now, and I have to take care of them and myself first. If you have issues with that or you can't handle that, then I am very sorry that you feel that way. However, I will NOT apologize for my actions or my inattentiveness.

When life calms down, hopefully I will have time to be more open and talkative with my friends, but I can't make any promises. If you aren't ok with that, then tell me now, and I will remove you from my friends lists and I will remove you from my life. I will NOT deal with people trying to make me feel bad over doing what I have to do to take care of myself and my family.

If you have issues with that, that is YOUR problem and not mine.

Any questions?

Little Kicks

The most amazing and most bizarre part of pregnancy, up to this point, has been feeling Roland move around.  I can feel him squirm and wiggle and hiccup and kick and punch.  Sometimes they're light little movements that leave me wondering if my stomach is just shifting around.  Other times, it is very obvious that there is a tiny little foot attempting to chest burst.  I try to tell people when he is kicking, because Colin loves to feel it and my dad wants to feel it too.  It's hard sometimes...I'll feel the movements start, and I just kind of rub my belly and stare at it in wonder.  It's amazing that there is a little bitty person in there wiggling and shifting and stretching to make himself comfortable.

35 weeks ago, there was nothing there but infinite potential.  Now, it's really a baby that could live and breath on his own, if he were born right now.  The idea is just amazing, for me.  It's hard to believe that in just a few weeks, he's going to be here.  I can't wait, but I'm totally terrified at the same time.  So many huge things wrapped up in such a tiny person!

The kicks hurt sometimes, and sometimes I even complain about them.  Secretly though, I don't mind them at all.  Even when he bounces on my bladder or lodges his foot in my ribs.  It's a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.