Journeys

When you are a child, you are often very selfish.  You think about yourself and you are concerned about yourself.  If you are a rare kid, you wonder about the health of your parents and your family and your friends.  But most kids are concerned with themselves.  They don't worry about money, they don't worry about how food appears in the fridge.

As you grow older, you start to worry about more of the people in your life.  You might find yourself fretting over the health of your parents or how they are going to afford to send you to that summer camp that you want.  You're still pretty selfish, and your view of the world is fairly narrow.

As a young adult, most people begin to worry about the greater world around them.  They might weep over starving children in Africa.  Or worse, starving children in the United States.  They might worry about the health of their family and friends.  They worry about money, now that they have to earn their own.  Once you get married, you add another person to worry about.  You wonder if they'll get sick or get injured or die and leave you alone.

And then, you have kids.  And your world goes all topsy-turvey, upside down.  I worry about my extended family, but it's kind of a peripheral concern.  I worry about my husband leaving me and my son, because we love him, and we'd be lost without him.  I worry about dying and leaving my child and my husband all alone.  But more than anything, the idea of my child getting sick or hurt or, god forbid, dying sends me into a full-blown panic moment.  In just over a year, he has become the center of my universe.

Everything else, all of the social issues that I used to rant about, all the things that used to be so important to me...just...aren't.  I know that 'they' say that parents should keep their hobbies, and I do still have them, but Roland is always going to come first.  I'm not going to hare off to a convention on a whim and $50 in my pocket, with a prayer that I can figure out how to pay rent when I get home.  I'm not going to up and quit a job just 'cause I don't like it anymore and I want something different.  My priorities have all changed and my prescriptive on life has all changed.

But I think that it's a good change, and I welcome it with open arms.  Parenthood isn't for everyone, and I respect that choice.  But it has made me a better person and it has made me feel like a more complete person.  For all the stress and the tears and the anxiety, this journey has been absolutely worth it.

Momma Bear Rage

Ok.  I think we all know that I'm pretty liberal on a lot of different topics.

I read an article today on Mr. Conservative that a friend had posted.  Nasty, Weird and Sexist Liberal Cracks about Women.  I was pretty upset about some of them, to be entirely honest.

I should put it out there that people on both sides of the coin say some pretty horrible things.  There are hardcore liberals and hardcore conservatives that are cruel and completely out of line in the things that they say.  This is not confined to just one side, and there are days where I am ashamed of humanity...didn't these peoples parents teach them better than this?

The one that really got to me was a quote by Larry Flynt, talking about Sarah Palin.

“(Palin) did a disservice to every woman in America. She knew from the first month of pregnancy that kid was going to be Down’s Syndrome. It’s brain dead. A virtual vegetable. She carries it to all these different political events against abortion, she did it just because she didn’t want to say she’d had an abortion. How long is it going to live? Another 12, 15 years? Doesn’t even know it’s in this world. So what kind of compassionate conservative is she? I don’t think anybody will want her near the White House.” — Larry Flyn

 I don't like Sarah Palin.  I don't agree with her politics and every time I've seen an interview with her, she annoys the hell out of me.  I just...don't like her.  But it's her politics that I don't like.  This goes way, way beyond that and way beyond acceptable.

First, let's look at the fact that no one knows in the first month of pregnancy that their child will have Down's Syndrome.  Yes, maternal age is a factor, but it's not the only one.  There is no way of knowing about the disability until later on in the pregnancy.  Some tests can be run between 11 and 13 weeks, but definitive results often come later than that.

Second, children with Down's Syndrome oftentimes live full and happy lives.  They can regularly live into their 50's and 60's.  Trig is a little boy.  He's not an 'it' and he's not brain dead and he's not a vegetable.  He is a sweet little boy who just happens to have an extra chromosome.  Unfortunately, he's got a famous political family.

Larry Flynt is an asshole.  That's a horrible thing to say.  You know what, I'm sure he'd never say that about someone else's child.  He wouldn't go up to a mother on the street with her child with Down's Syndrome and say, 'Hey!  How old is it?  You know it's not going to live to be an adult, right?'  You know why?  Because that is a horrible thing to say to a parent and is likely to get you kicked or stabbed.  He said it because he hates Palin because they are on different sides of the political spectrum.

That is not ok.  I don't care who you are or what your politics are or how much they may differ, it is not ok to attack someone on a personal level when you disagree with their politics.  Is Palin so politically perfect that you can't find something about her policies and her political beliefs that you can disagree with and attack?  Are you so pathetic that you have to resort to attacking her family--not just her family, her very young, disabled son?

Once again, I don't like Sarah Palin.  I would never vote for her, and politically I think she's pretty terrible.  But as a mother, I respect the hell out of her and her husband.  They made the decision to keep their son despite his disability.  Down's Syndrome is not easy to live with.  The degree of disability varies wildly from children who are able to function at normal levels to children who are never able to talk or walk.  No one knows how severe it will be, and it's a lot more than the 18 years that most parents sign up for with their children.  I can't even imagine how hard it would be...or how fulfilling.

And her family made the choice to keep the baby.  Many don't.  There are many people who abort fetuses with Down's Syndrome.  I may not respect the woman when it comes to politics, but as a mother, I understand.  I spent much of my pregnancy with Roland worrying about something going wrong.  I wouldn't have loved him any less, though.  But still, this is a hard decision to make.

What Larry Flynt probably doesn't bother to think about is the fact that any parent who receives this diagnosis spends hours agonizing over the decision.  The internet is full of information and it's easy to find out all about the disability that your child will be born with--the good and the bad.  Parents know that their child has a shortened life span.  They understand the possibility that their child may never be like a 'normal' baby.  You really think they don't get that?  Hell, Flynt has kids of his own...you think he'd understand.

This is disgusting, people.  This shit has to stop.  Attack the politics.  Attack the policies.  Hell, attack the personality.  Stop attacking the family.  This goes for the First Lady, Sasha and Malia, AND the Palin kids.  Don't call Bristol a whore, don't call Trig a vegetable.  It's not hard.

As a mother--hell, as a human being--I am horrified that we treat one another this way.  I know that when you sign up for politics you are signing up for a certain level of scrutiny.  The same applies for your family.  And it's expected that there will be a certain level of questioning and scrutiny and maybe even a few casual jokes flying around.  But this is unacceptable.

In 20 years, Trig Palin is going to read this shit online.  He's going to see things that were said about him and his family, and he's going to understand these things.  And you should be ashamed of yourself.

See this?  This is a sweet little boy who loves his daddy, who has a disability but isn't defined by it, who has a beautiful smile and is very obviously not a vegetable.  This is pulled off Sarah Palin's official facebook page.

So if you want to attack a politician, attack the politician.  Leave their damn families out of it.  This is not me defending Sarah Palin.  This is me, as a mother, feeling an insane amount of Momma Bear rage for a sweet little boy who could be ANYONE'S little boy who is being cruelly mocked.  You may not like the woman, and that is your right.  But at the very least, she deserves your respect for making a difficult choice.  It might not be the choice you made, but it was her choice.

Oh, and for the people who are pro-choice and are angry that she choose to keep Trig...isn't that the definition of choice?  The Palin family made the CHOICE to keep the baby that they knew would have life long disabilities.  Good for them.  From that sweet picture, I think they probably made the right one.

The Day I counter-protested the WBC

In 2001, when I was a Freshman in college, I found myself in an interesting place.  You see, I'm a painfully shy person, and 12 years ago it was even worse.  I had a hard time meeting people.  At my Freshman Orientation, I met Adrienne, who was one of my closest friends while I was living in Missoula.  She was crazy and quirky and bouncy and totally geeky and we just kind of clicked.  I think the fact that I was quiet and she was outspoken worked out well.

She's the one who first got me into gaming, but that's a completely different story that involves guys in cloaks and prowling campus late at night.

We weren't roommates the first semester, but it didn't take us long to make plans to change that after Christmas break.  One of the things that Adrienne was involved in, and drug me to, was the Lambda association on campus.  It was a little awkward for me at first, because I was the only straight girl there, and I got some flack from some of the other kids.  The scoffing and unbelieving stare of, 'Well, you're straight, why are YOU here' was pretty hurtful at the time, but that's fine.  I get it.

Anyway.

We received word that the WBC was going to be coming to Missoula to protest.  They were 'celebrating' the anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard and they picked UofM because the school supports their Lambda group fully.  Ya know.  Like you should.

Originally, they had planned on protesting ON campus.  They attempted to reserve space on the quad.  Unfortunately for them, policy states that campus groups have first dibs on space.  So the entire campus was reserved for the day for the Lambda alliance, and the WBC was forced to hold their protest on the corner across from the law school.

The Lambda group furiously prepared for the event.  I spent much of the week making signs (oh my god the GLITTER) and getting geared up.  There was an air of excitement and an air of fear.  For me, this was the first time I'd ever heard of the Westboro Baptist Church.  I was nervous and excited and horrified at it all.

On a frosty cold morning, not quite a month after the 9-11 attacks, the Westboro Baptist Church came to attack us with their hateful words and fear mongering, and we attacked them back.  We were there by five in the morning with hot cocoa and bundled up in scarves and hats and many layers.  By the time we arrived, the counter protest area was flooded with people.  Lambda kids, their friends and families, professors, ROTC kids, Forestry kids, local Missoulians and people who had traveled, just to offer us their support.  We quickly handed out all of the signs and we waited for them.

There weren't very many of them, just a small handful, and Fred wasn't even there.  I remember being shocked at their signs--I didn't understand how anyone could say that or believe that.  To our credit, we were fairly peaceful (although there was apparently some eggs thrown--naughty!)  There was laughter and tears and waving our lovely glittery signs in the air.

The Lesbian Brigade had been formed for this occasion   A group of people doing various tricks and acts--we had people dressed like clowns and people doing handstands--paraded through our group, cheering the crowd.  One of the news interviews with Shirley Roper-Phelps shows the Brigade parading behind her, and two of the girls pausing for a deep, intimate kiss.  It was a stunning picture and I wish I could find it.

It was even better when we discovered that most of the girls weren't gay or bi-sexual.  They were just supportive.

The protest was pretty pathetic, to be entirely honest.  The signs were hurtful and the jeers were horrible, but we far, far outnumbered them.  And while the WBC had nothing to offer us but hate and bigotry, our crowd was full of love and laughter and joy.  There was a table full of cookies and muffins and cocoa and coffee, and everyone felt like a big family.

It was absolutely beautiful.

That was the beginning of a beautiful day for me at the University of Montana.

The country was still reeling from 9-11.  I was still trying to process what had happened, myself.  We were still healing.  And on that frosty, beautiful fall day, we came together as a community in peace and tolerance.  The day was spent with peace rallies and discussions and an overwhelming feeling of love.  There was food and there was live music.  There was a candlelit vigil in the library in honor of the victims of hate crimes.

It was the best day I had while I was in school that first year.  Seeing everyone come together like that was nothing short of stunning.  Seeing the community respond to the WBC with the ferocity they displayed was surprising, but wonderful.  The reason that we were there that day was a frustrating and upsetting one, but the turn-out was better than anyone expected.

I can safely say that I think the WBC are horrible people.  They do and say terrible, awful things, and I don't understand how they can sleep at night.  It's easy to want to respond to them with hate and frustration and fists...unfortunately, that doesn't work.  They feed off it.  This reaction, this peaceful counter protest to show them how wrong they are, and how many more people we have, is the best thing.

Kermit Gosnell

I've been hearing a lot about Kermit Gosnell over the last week or so.  At first, I dismissed it all because the articles were all being shared from conservative websites and I didn't have the energy to take up that fight last week.  Eventually, I delved into a few articles, and I've got to say that it's pretty horrifying.

I'll admit, America was a little distracted last week.  Oh wait, the trial started on March 18th?  And hardly anyone has heard about it?  Well...crap.

Ok, before I go any further, I have to tell you that I am absolutely pro-choice.  I in no way, shape, or form feel that abortions should be completely outlawed in this country.  There are situations where the woman feels that she has no other choice--sometimes for monetary reasons, or emotional reasons--and there are situations where proceeding with a pregnancy would endanger the life of the mother, and then there are the heartbreaking situations where a fetus has severe defects that will eventually lead to the demise of the child.  There are legitimate reasons, and I support women who make the difficult choice to terminate a pregnancy.

This is a completely different beast.  I don't support this at all.  Liberal or not, pro-choice or not...this is wrong.  This is horrifying.

In Pennsylvania, the cut-off for late-term abortions is 24 weeks.  First, I take issue with that.  24 weeks is a viable infant.  I mean, that infant, if it survives, will likely have some disabilities.  It will be an incredibly difficult road for the child, with only a 39% rate of survival.  So no matter how pro-choice I am, I don't think that a healthy pregnancy should be terminated at 24 weeks.  Really, you've gotten that far, keep going a few more weeks...if you get to 26 weeks?  The baby has an 80% survival rate.  27 weeks is 90%.  What's another month?

Of course, in the case of potential maternal demise, all bets are off.  The same can be said if the child has a serious defect that will eventually lead to death.  I know that some parents will make that incredibly difficult decision in hopes of sparing their child further pain.

This is the grand jury report.  Fair warning--that includes some pretty gruesome stuff.  There are horrifying pictures and descriptions.  It's also very, very long.  There were some points where I just had to stop reading.  It's...pretty bad.

No matter how pro-choice I am, this entire situation has me feeling sick to my stomach.  I've seen some people (mostly my heavily conservative friends) asking questions about why this guy hasn't received more media coverage.    USA Today and The Atlantic have pieces on that.  Why hasn't this been covered?  Why hasn't there been more outrage over this?  I mean, this guy murdered people, who knows how many.  He murdered women who came to him for procedures and he murdered infants.  I'm sorry, if a baby is capable of breathing on its own, that's murder.

I know it's a delicate case.  The pro-choice crowd doesn't want this nut job to cast a negative light over abortions.  The pro-life crowd wants to use it as a reason to outlaw abortion altogether.  Both of them are missing the damn point.  Just like with other terrible people that do terrible things, Gosnell is to blame in this.  He's the one who made the choice to run his clinic in such a horrifying manner.  He's the one who failed to provide adequate care to the women he saw.  He's the one who brutally murdered infants that were viable by cutting the back of their necks.  This has nothing to do with abortion being right or wrong--this has to do with a sick bastard.

I'm actually having a bit of a difficult time with dealing with this.  I am frustrated with the media for not calling to attention to these atrocities  and I don't understand why they would just sweep it under the rug.  Some news organizations have blamed it on racism.  Most of Gosnells patients were African American women, women in minorities, teenagers, women who were being forced into an abortion by family members, women who didn't speak English...he took advantage of these women, plain and simple.  He took their fear and their ignorance and he used it against them to take their money.

Gosnell is a horrible person.  He is a horrible person, and that is all there is to it.

Are there other clinics like this in the United States?  I'm sure there are.  I am absolutely certain that there are places where women and viable, healthy babies are dying.

Obviously, there needs to be a change.

If I were running the world, I would want to see birth control that was readily available to anyone who wanted it for a reasonable price.  Preferably on a sliding scale.  No one should be without it unless they want to be.  I would like to see optional abortions limited to the first trimester.  After that, they can only be obtained with medical referral in the case of maternal danger or fetal defect.  Women should be educated on alternates, such as adoption, and offered assistance with medical bills if they choose to pursue adoption.  Women should not be guilt tripped, or have to look at their baby on an ultrasound, or treated like they're whores or going to hell for making that choice.

I hope that Gosnell is found guilty on all counts.  I hope they throw the book at him.  He's a horrible man who has done horrible things.  But he is NOT the face of abortion.  And most people who are pro-choice?  Are completely horrified by the things he did.  I mean, there is nothing that he did that is good or right.  There is nothing he did that I agree with.

It's a difficult story to read, and it's a painful situation for a lot of people, particularly for the women who have suffered at his hands.  I hope that this leads to stricter regulations on abortion clinics, and clinics that are actually upheld to these standards.  And more than anything, I hope that this isn't used as an example of what all abortions are like.  I hope this doesn't make abortions even more difficult to be obtained.

Also--24 weeks?  Really?  I'm sorry, but that needs to be changed...

RAWR means "I Love You" in dinosaur

This past weekend, we loaded up the van with Roland, my brother Cole and his girlfriend Nicky.  Colin had his regional conference in Bozeman, so we decided to make the trip down there with him and spend some time shopping and hanging out while he was getting his church on.

On the trip up, we stopped at a beautiful scenic viewing area between Helena and Great Falls.  Roland got loaded up in the BabyHawk (oh my god, have I mentioned how awesome this thing is?  We're still adjusting, but I think it's amazing...) and we went to climb up a few flights of stairs.  It's a beautiful stop looking out over the river.  Unfortunately, it was windy and a little chilly, so we didn't stay for very long.

Not long after our first little stop, my poor baby had a bit of an explosion in his car seat.  We have decided that on long car rides, he needs to drink juice or water instead of milk and avoid sugar.  Of course, for breakfast his uncle gave him a few powdered doughnuts and he was sucking down milk the whole trip.  This combined in a pretty gross explosion.  Poor baby was pretty upset, but we got stopped and got him cleaned up and changed.  After puking, he seemed much happier...figures.

After the few dawdles on the way up, we barely made it to Bozeman in time for Colin to get in to register for his conference.  We dropped him off and got checked into our hotel.  We stayed at our normal haunt, the Lewis and Clark Hotel.  It's fairly inexpensive (we paid $85 a night) and the people there have always been incredibly friendly.  It's right next to the Co-op, just a few blocks from campus, the rooms are spacious and clean with fridges and microwaves, and they have homemade banana bread and muffins for breakfast.  It's not super fancy and they only have a hot tub (no pool) but we've had nothing but good luck with them.

Friday night, we ordered Mackenzie River pizza--mmmm, so delicious--and Chas came over to hang out for awhile.  I was fairly exhausted from the long drive, so Roland and I hung out in the hotel room while the other kids went wandering.  Picked Colin up from his conference at 9 and handed over baby duty (lucky jerk, the baby fell asleep almost immediately) and then passed out.

Saturday was another full day.  We discovered that the Museum of the Rockies had a free admission day, in honor of Astronomy.  We wanted to try to time it so Colin could join us, but really, we couldn't miss out on free day.

Roland absolutely adored it.

First off, there were a ton of people.  We wanted to see a show in their brand new theater, but the line was huge so we didn't even bother.  The crowds were thick and kind of obnoxious.  It didn't take long for me to hit my people limit.

We did things backwards this time around and started off with the dinosaurs.  He was pretty excited by the different moving machines at the very beginning, and then wasn't terribly thrilled for the next few rooms...until we got into the room with the giant dinosaurs.  His eyes got wide and he leaned way forward in his stroller and started growling and roaring and squealing with glee.  So we pulled him out, got his baby leash hooked on, and then him roam.  He would wander up to the exhibit, stare up, and go 'RAWR!'  I think he was pretty impressed by the giant things that had big sharp teeth.

We didn't spend much time in the Native American section or in the Early American History section.  While they're both parts that are really neat, I've personally seen them many, many times, and I didn't think it was something Roland would be hugely interested in.

After that, we stopped in the Rain forest Experience.  This was pretty neat, and something I've never seen at the museum before.  It was a big maze they had set up that had different trivia questions about the rain forest to help guide you through.  Along the way was different sensory exhibits that were aimed at children.  Roland was particularly fond of the rain maker.  

At one point near the end of the exhibit was a set of monkey bars.  Uncle Cole lifted him up so he could grab the bar and then let him go (sticking close enough that he could grab Roland as soon as he let go.)  I didn't think that Roland would stand for that for very long, but he hung there for a good 45 seconds before letting go with a big goofy grin.  We did it again and got video of it.

Have I mentioned how my child loves to climb?  I'm going to have problems with this one, I think.

We headed up to the third floor for the Explore Yellowstone Children's section.  I had never been in this part of the museum, and I don't think I even realized that they had this up there!  This was hands down my favorite part of the museum.  It was filled with kid friendly activities aimed at children under 8.  There was a geyser that you could set off, a small frontier kitchen complete with tons of fake food and dishes, different outfits for dress up, fishing poles and fishes, a tent and fire pit, and a little play area with soft mats for toddlers.  At the front of the room, they had a bunch of small backpacks hanging up, with a green ranger vest and binoculars in each one.  Very, very fun stuff for little ones, and I think we will be spending a lot of time here next time we hit the museum.

Our only problem in the children's section was, once again, too many people.  By the time we left, the room was brimming with littles and their parents.  That and Roland took a small tumble down a few steps.  Poor kid was awfully upset, but that was in part due to him being sleepy and hungry and just generally grumpy.

We headed down to the gift shop and hunted for something to bring home for the boy child.  We probably spent...oh...half an hour trying to decide on what dinosaur to bring home.  I would give him two and tell him to pick one.  He would grab one...and then the other...and then throw them both in the basket.  He thought this was great fun.  We ended up with a soft T-Rex and a book on dinosaurs that RAWR's.  I figured that would make him happy, and every time he plays with his dinosaur, he starts growling.  Score one for mom.

We met back up with Cole and Nicky and headed back to the hotel.  At this point, I had a fairly cranky child.  We snacked a bit and attempted to nap for several hours.  Of course, he was too wound up and excited for that to work.  Poor momma could have really used one too!

Colin bugged out of his conference a bit early, and we hooked up with Chas and Sammy for dinner at the Montana Ale Works.  If you haven't eaten here before, it's an absolute must!  The food is amazing, the drinks are delicious, the food comes quickly, and the people are all incredibly friendly.  I had the rib-eye which was...exactly what I needed.  Roland was a little cranky because it was late and there were a lot of people, but all things considered, he was pretty darn good.

Oh, the best part about the Ale Works?  Desert.  Their creme brulee is to die for.  It's almost too much for one person, so it's best to share, but yeah...definitely not to be missed.

This morning, Colin had a few last meetings and church.  I was going to try to join him for church, but between being incredibly sore from driving and running around and not feeling well, it wasn't a very good idea.  We got packed and loaded and snagged him, grabbing food on our way out of town.  We didn't get to see Chas this morning because I was trying to get out well ahead of the bad weather.

Luckily, though we ran into some pretty thick snow, it wasn't anything too terrible, and it wasn't overly windy.

All in all, it was an excellent albeit exhausting weekend.  Our van handled amazingly well in the mountains (aside from in the wind, but that isn't anything new) and we got nearly 18 miles to the gallon.  For a 20 year old mini-van, I think we're doing pretty good!

I can't wait to take Roland back to the museum.  I'm thrilled that he's acquired our love for museums, and it's something I can't wait to share with him as he grows up.

Best part of the weekend?  After we got home from the museum and we were cuddling in bed, he decided he was going to attack me.  By pouncing on me and gnawing on my stomach and saying, 'RAWR' over and over again.  It was pretty damn cute!

Boston and Politics

It's been a difficult week for Americans.  There has been death and senseless destruction and horror.  Tears of pain as we watch our fellow Americans hurting and tears of joy as we see the amazing side of humanity that we so often miss.  Many of us are emotional raw, many of us are scared, many of us mourn.  The City of Boston and the entire county has drawn together during grief and sadness.

For the most part, we've seen the good in the world this week, in the wake of tragedy.

And then there is everyone else.

I've tried to ignore it, but it's hard to do.  The assholes who are trying to make this about them, who are trying to use this as a spring board for their own political platform.  If it was just the politicians, I could almost forgive it.  But then you add in the journalists on both sides of the spectrum, along with the all of the internet and their love for making stupid memes.

You know what we should be doing right now?  We should be mourning the people who died in the bombings and the people who were terribly injured.  We should pray (if that's your bag of tea) for everyone who has been affected.  We should be thankful that it wasn't much worse.  We should offer our profuse thanks to the Emergency Workers who handled the situation with speed and aplomb.  We should ask ourselves what we would do in an emergency situation and how we would handle it.  We should be grateful that the bombers are no longer on the street and we should be hopeful that the second suspect is able to shed light on why they did what they did.

You know what we shouldn't be doing right now?  Making this into a goddamn political statement.  Do you know what using a tragedy to stage a political grandstand makes you?  It makes you an asshole.  A complete and utter asshole.

Stop it, ok?  Stop posting stupid cartoons on facebook effectively pointing and laughing at the other side of the political spectrum for being wrong.  Stop making shitty comments about how this tragedy could have been prevented with better gun control or whatever.

And this isn't just directed at the hardcore conservatives.  Oh no.  There are plenty of liberals out there being assholes too.

Stop it.  All of you.  You look like assholes and you kind of make me want to slap you.

You aren't pithy.  You aren't funny.  You are the reason that our country is so divided.  Put aside your stupid political bullshit for, I don't know, even a fucking week, and actually work together.  At the very least, let the families mourn in peace before using their loved ones for your political maneuvering.

Also, before you say it, yes...I know that we aren't alone in having had a rough week.  I know that people are dying all over the world.  I know that soldiers are dying.  I know that terrible things are happening every minute all over.  I know that.  I get that.  That doesn't lessen what we're going through right now.

The Westboro Baptist Church and Faith

An argument on a dear friends facebook page really bothered me today.  I wanted to respond and wade into the fray, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  It was a battle that I couldn't bring myself to face today.

I like to think that I am a pretty open and accepting person.  I try not to judge people based on their lifestyles, and I don't mind having a disagreement with a friend.  I can discuss and argue a topic with someone, and we can still walk away caring about one another.  There are a few topics that I can't really bend on, but there aren't very many of them.

I have friends from all walks of life.  Gay, straight, bi-sexual, transsexual, asexual, kinky, vanilla, poly.  I have friends who are Christians and friends who are Atheists and friends who are Satanists and friends who are Pagans and Wiccans and Pastafarians.  I have friends who are Rebulicans and friends who are Democrats and probably even a few Tea Partiers.  I have friends who are pro-life and I have friends who are pro-choice.  I've got a pretty wide spread.

The conversation that I saw today was insane.  It was disrespectful and it was just horrible.

I like having heated discussions and I like debating with my friends.  I like to hear different sides of any story, and I am happy to sit down with someone online or in person and debate and discuss over a beer or a pizza or around a campfire.  These conversations with my friends sometimes get heated, and sometimes people get irritated and angry.  That's only natural, especially when you are talking about one of the big topics that gets people going--politics, religion, gay marriage, abortion.

The point is, when these conversations are finished, we can usually walk away from it and still be friends.  While the conversation might get heated, the attacks don't get personal.  That is the way that debate and discussions like this should be.  Sure, sometimes you are going to lose a friend over differing views, but for the most part, both parties should be able to walk away on friendly terms.

I expect my friends and family to maintain a certain level of decorum when they are debating on my facebook.  I have a lot of friends who disagree with me on many topics, and most of the time they just don't get into it with me.  When they do, it's usually in a polite manner.  If I were to see someone on my facebook attacking someone else or being overly rude and out of line, I will delete them.  There is just no reason for it.

Now that that is out of the way...

Westboro Baptist Church.  They are a horrible group of people.  No, really.  They're absolutely despicable. I challenge you to find someone who will tell you that they agree with the things the WBC has done.  I know there are people who agree with their views on homosexuality, but that's different.  I don't agree with that, but it's still different.

As I said, I know a lot of people.  From super conservative Christians to hardcore Atheists, and not a single one of them (to my knowledge, and if they do, they should unfriend me right now) agrees with the things that the WBC has done.  I've asked many of my Pastor Wife friends, and none of them can think of anyone they've ever met that agrees with them either.  The KKK thinks they're a horrible hateful group, for God's Sake!

Let me say that again.  No one likes the Westboro Baptist Church.  No one agrees with the things they do.  No one approves of their actions.

I've been told that because I'm a Christian, and because they claim to be Christians, that I am just like them.  That I am responsible for their actions.

I'm sorry, but I have to call bullshit on that.  They may claim to be Christians, but they are NOT my brothers and sisters in Christ.  They claim Christianity, but Christianity doesn't claim them.

And you know what?  That is just like saying, 'That man over there raped a woman.  Since you're a man, you're a rapist too.'  or, 'Muslims bombed the World Trade Center and were terrorists.  Since you're Muslim, you're a terrorist too.'  Sorry.  That doesn't fly.  The fact that we VERY LOOSELY share a religious text means nothing.  Why?  Because they're completely ignoring the whole 'Love thy neighbor' thing.  Which is one of the biggies.

I identify as a Christian, but that doesn't mean that I am a hateful bigot.  I think anyone who knows me at all can tell you that is not true.  I identify as a Christian, but I have nothing in common with the Westboro Baptist Church.  I know a lot of Christians, and everyone one of them is a good person.  They may disagree with certain things (particularly gay marriage and abortion) but they would never wish death on those people or being horrible to them.

I know that Christians get a bad rap, in great part due to the WBC.  Unfortunately, the shit-heads in the world get a lot more publicity than, say, Justin Lee.  Or the way that the United Church of Christ and the Disciples of Christ have become completely open and affirming, working closely with LGBT groups.  The good that is done is rarely talked about, because the people who are doing good don't make much of a fuss about what they are doing.

I guess what I'm saying is--don't judge a book by it's cover.  Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I am full of hate and bigotry.  Give people a chance to show you who they are through their actions, rather than assuming you know them based on their faith.