Well, we're currently about 2 weeks out from The Big Move. Heading back to Missoula so I can finish school. I alternate between being totally excited to being terrified about the whole thing.
On one hand, living alone with my family will be nice. I love my parents, and they've been wonderful and so supportive, but I miss having time alone with my husband and it's never been just the three of us. It's going to be a major adjustment for everyone, but I think that we'll be ok.
On the other hand, it's a big move. A lot of changes. Colin will be working and I'll be in school full-time, so we're going to have to juggle day care and only having one car and life in general. Obviously, it's doable--people do it every day--but that doesn't make it any less intimidating. Luckily, we've got a great group of friends in Missoula waiting for us, and that really does help a lot.
I love living in the Hi-Line, and the people here are wonderful, but I never really felt like I fit in here. I have too much social anxiety, and I'm just different. It's ok, it's just hard for me.
Having classes full time is going to be a big change, but that's one that I'm looking forward to. I'm taking two intermediate writing classes--Poetry and Fiction--an American Lit class, Anthro 101, and Montana Writer's Live. I'm only going to have classes on Tuesday and Thursday, which should help with the whole transition. Roland will only be in daycare or away from me for two days a week to start with. We can totally manage that.
Packing has been slow moving. We still have a ton of stuff that is packed from when we moved from Tulsa, and it's kind of like Christmas going through the boxes to see what we have and what we still need. I don't want to take any boxes without looking at them--you never know what has gotten into them in the garage the past two years.
I think one of the big worries I have regarding the move is that I don't know if I know how to be me anymore. I'm Roland's Mommy and Colin's Wife, and for so long, that has been my official designation. It seems like that is all that has defined me as a person, and I am so much more than that. I mean, rationally I know that I'm more than that. It's just a matter of re-training my brain to function as my own person, rather than an offshoot of the people around me.
Of course, I plan on continuing to write in Missoula. I've written every day for the last 142, and I don't plan on breaking my chain any time soon. There are some days (like today) where all I can write is a blog post. Other days, I can easily pump out 6,000 words. With everything going on, I'm feeling mentally and emotionally tapped, so writing the climax to this novel has been hard. I could start on another project, but I feel like this thing deserves its ending as soon as possible.
Next week, we're heading to Missoula so that my mom and I can check out the apartment and pick up some things for it. I'm looking forward to seeing what I have to work with and starting the moving process. Hopefully, my dad will be able to help us move up sometime the week after that, but if not, we'll be renting a truck and making the big move ourselves.
Come hell or high water, we'll be in Missoula in the next few weeks. I can guarantee that my anxiety levels are going to get higher before they get better.
