What I'm thankful for - part 5

Today, I am thankful for my family.  Both blood and chosen.

My parents have always been incredibly supportive.  Any time I've been in trouble, they've been there to help.  It was no different when I called them to tell them I was pregnant.  I was pretty upset about it and scared to boot.  They both took off from work early, packed up some stuff, and drove 5 hours to come and see me.  Just to make sure I was going to be ok.  Just having them there for the support was amazing.

Since then, they've continued to be a bastion of support for us both.

In July, we were at my parents house for a family reunion.  At one point, while we were sitting there and relaxing, Colin looked at me and said, 'Let's just stay here.  Let's not go back to Missoula and just live with your parents.'  My mom was sitting there and she readily agreed.  We discussed it with my parents and spent several hours discussing it amongst ourselves.  We eventually decided that yes, moving up here to live with my parents would probably be for the best.

It's been nice living here.  We've redecorated the office and turned it into a nursery.  If we'd stayed in Missoula, Roland wouldn't have had a nursery...he would have been in a room with us.  But he has his own space.  They've helped us get a lot of the baby supplies we needed, from the butt-changing station to the antique bassinet that my dad and brother sanded and refinished for us.  Everyone here is excited about Roland.

Living here hasn't always been easy.  Sometimes, personalities clash.  The house is small and only has one bathroom for 5 adults.  But it's been good.  I feel safe and loved here.  I know that when Roland is born, Colin and I will have an immediate support group who will help us raise him.

And then there are Colin parents, who have also been amazingly supportive.  Their thoughts and prayers and words of encouragement have really helped us get through some difficult times.  They will be here after Christmas to visit us and the baby, and I can't wait to see them.  I wish that we were closer so we could see them more often, but we will make the best of the time we have!

We are so blessed to have such amazing families who support and love us unconditionally.

What I am thankful for - part 4

I've been slacking on these a bit.  You can't blame me too much, my brain isn't exactly in the game, so to speak.

Right now, I am thankful for our amazing friends.  Without you all, I have no idea where I would be.

When we found out that I was pregnant, it's no big secret that we were both terrified.  The sheer amount of love and support we got from our closest friends was just staggering.  The decisions that we made were not easy, and they came after lots of tears and hours of discussions and a lot of soul searching.  I know Colin spent a lot of time talking to people and working things out with them.  I tend to bottle and internalize my issues more than he does, but just getting the e-mails and the chats and the buzz responses made a huge difference.  Just knowing that we had this huge support group that was there for us no matter what we decided made me feel much less alone.

Thank you all, for that.  You will never know how much your words and support and prayers and love during those tumultuous weeks is appreciated.  I doubt we can ever repay the love, but we will try.

I am eternally grateful for the friends who are always there.  The ones who, even if we go for weeks without talking due to life getting in the way, still love me.  There are so many people out there who demand nigh constant attention...unfortunately, I have never been the type of person who can give that.  So having friends who are happy to see me when they can is a huge blessing.  There is nothing worse than your friends making you feel like crap because you don't spend enough time with them.

Colin and I have asked two people to be Roland's Godparents.  They're not really the traditional Godparents, but it was really important to me that we have people we cherish as our son's Godparents.  The adults that he can talk to if he doesn't want to come to us, the surrogate aunt and uncle who have that special bond with our child.  In reality, if he would have let me, I would have asked a lot of people to be his Godparents.  So many different people have made such an impact in his life already, through us.  Instead, he'll just have a ridiculous amount of honorary aunts and uncles.

So to all of our friends who have supported us over the last 30-some weeks, thank you.  We love you all.  Even though we don't say it as often as we should--at least, I know that I don't--we love you and appreciate you for everything you've done for us.

36 weeks

Today marks 36 weeks. Next week, I'll be full term. It's hard to believe that after all of this, SDay is right around the corner. On one hand, I'm so ready to meet our baby. On the other, I'm nervous about being a mom.

It's coming, whether or not I'm ready. Mostly, at this point, I'm just trying to stay very in tune with my body, so I know when its time.

28 days! And still so much to do! Eek!

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Having braxton-hicks contractions, likely cause I'm all wound up and keep getting out of bed to fuss in the nursery. They're not particularly painful, but they are strange.

I keep having to remind myself that the nursery is more for us. Roland doesn't care if everything is perfectly organized, so long as he has a handy boob, a clean diaper, and somewhere warm to sleep. But fussing and organizing and rummaging sure makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile!

I'm going crazy with the anticipation...what in the world am I going to do if little guy decides to continue his stubborn trend and come late?!?

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Future Christmas Traditions?

In case anyone missed it...I love Christmas. I'm not quite as crazy as my mom is, but I LOVE Christmas. I love the music and the smells and the baking...there isn't really anything about it I don't love. One of the most exciting parts about having a baby, for me, is introducing Roland to our family traditions and creating some of our own.

I saw this - http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/sabrina-babytalk/fun-elf-shelf?loc=hotlinks#.TsCX8Wa8M8o.facebook - today on Facebook, and I think it's adorable! I'm thinking we need one for our family traditions...

Rant

I know I've said this, but I will say it again. I really don't want to have to do this again.

For the record, I am NOT angry at anyone. I am not upset, I'm not avoiding you, I don't hate you. If I'm not responding to e-mails or texts or instant messages, it's not because I'm pissed. It's because I am dealing with MY life. I'm dealing with the fact that I will be having my son in 5 weeks, I'm going to school full-time, I'm working part-time and I am trying to adjust to our new life.

I'm sorry, I know that makes me a crappy friend. But Roland and Colin are the most important people in my life right now, and I have to take care of them and myself first. If you have issues with that or you can't handle that, then I am very sorry that you feel that way. However, I will NOT apologize for my actions or my inattentiveness.

When life calms down, hopefully I will have time to be more open and talkative with my friends, but I can't make any promises. If you aren't ok with that, then tell me now, and I will remove you from my friends lists and I will remove you from my life. I will NOT deal with people trying to make me feel bad over doing what I have to do to take care of myself and my family.

If you have issues with that, that is YOUR problem and not mine.

Any questions?

Little Kicks

The most amazing and most bizarre part of pregnancy, up to this point, has been feeling Roland move around.  I can feel him squirm and wiggle and hiccup and kick and punch.  Sometimes they're light little movements that leave me wondering if my stomach is just shifting around.  Other times, it is very obvious that there is a tiny little foot attempting to chest burst.  I try to tell people when he is kicking, because Colin loves to feel it and my dad wants to feel it too.  It's hard sometimes...I'll feel the movements start, and I just kind of rub my belly and stare at it in wonder.  It's amazing that there is a little bitty person in there wiggling and shifting and stretching to make himself comfortable.

35 weeks ago, there was nothing there but infinite potential.  Now, it's really a baby that could live and breath on his own, if he were born right now.  The idea is just amazing, for me.  It's hard to believe that in just a few weeks, he's going to be here.  I can't wait, but I'm totally terrified at the same time.  So many huge things wrapped up in such a tiny person!

The kicks hurt sometimes, and sometimes I even complain about them.  Secretly though, I don't mind them at all.  Even when he bounces on my bladder or lodges his foot in my ribs.  It's a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

I know that we have 5 1/2 weeks left...but I just want my baby to be here now.  I want to hold him and kiss him and nibble on his tiny hands and feet and his pudgy belly.  I know that 5 weeks isn't long in the grand scheme of thing...but I just can't wait to have our son here with us.

I'm not a patient woman at all.  I can't wait to meet my beautiful son!

What I am thankful for - part 3

Today, I am thankful for Zofran.

Thursday, I worked at the daycare until 4 and then headed home to pick up Colin.  I was going to drop him off for his shift at KMart, and then head over to the hospital for the first of my child birth classes.  Breast Feeding, which I was really excited for.  About 3/4 of the way to Havre, I started feeling a bit icky, but I put it down to having not eaten for a few hours and drinking Mountain Dew.  Dropped the husband off, grabbed a sandwich at McDonalds, and headed up to the hospital.  Ate and headed up to class.

Not even 10 minutes into the class, and I was feeling really sick, so I made my way to the bathroom...only to projectile vomit all over the carpet before I could get there.  Yeah, I felt terrible...room full of pregnant ladies, and I'm the one that has to puke all over the place.  I threw up for awhile and the teacher peeked in on me to make sure I was ok.  She told me that apparently there is a really nasty bug going around.  Short lived, but kicks your ass something fierce.  Great.  I thought I got a flu shot to prevent this, right?

So I clean myself up as best I can, and she gets me some barf bags for the trip home.  Call my mom, and she sends my dad down to Havre to pick me up so I don't have to try to drive myself.  I'm feeling like shit at this point.  Commence diarrhea and vomiting nigh constantly.  As soon as something hit my stomach it was coming back up.

Thursday night I was able to get away without puking most of the night, and I even was able to keep down some water.  It was my hope that was the end of it, but no dice.  Friday morning I was right back at it.  Called the Dr. and made an appointment, and he was able to squeeze me in before he left for the day.  We had to wait awhile, but the man truly is a saint.  We talked a bit about it and he decided it was probably just this bug and probably nothing to worry about too much.  He told me that since I'd been dealing with it more than 12 hours I was probably almost done with it, but he gave me a prescription for Zofran to stop the vomiting anyway.

Best. Medicine. Ever.

Since then, I haven't thrown up at all.  Keeping down all the liquids I've taken, though I haven't tried anything more solid than Chicken Noodle soup.  I'm feeling much better than I was, especially after getting a few hours of nap in the afternoon.

There were a few points in there where I was pretty worried.  Roland was still moving, but he was being a little sluggish and not his normal self.  After I got some water in me, he perked right back up, and he hasn't stopped kicking me since.  :)  My biggest worry through the whole thing was if he was going to be ok...having the flu sucks as it is.  Having the flu and worrying that you are killing your child is really terrible.  But everything is fine now, I'm back on track and the Sprog doesn't even seem phased by my little bug.

Dear Roland,

I'm very happy to know that my projectile vomiting has not cramped your lifestyle any. However. Please refrain from digging your little footsies into my ribs. I like breathing.

Love you bunches,

Mommy

To-Do list, Part 2

Well, we have 6 weeks left, but we're nearly all finished!


Stain and finish the Bassinet
Get a new bassinet mattress
Get new wheels for the bassinet
Get the breast pump I'm going to borrow, get new tubing
Get the house cleaned and organized (front closet, laundry room, back bathroom)
Decorate House for Christmas
Get Christmas Cards and Birth announcements ready to send (if you want one, send me your address!)
Make bibs, burp rags, blankets

Left to Buy:
baby sling, baby monitor, stroller, crib (we'll probably wait and buy this after Christmas,) changing table pad, sensitive stomach formula (just in case we have issues), a second car seat base

We're getting cloooose!

Holy Nesting, Batman!

Holy Nesting, Batman!

I've been a busy little bee today. Today, I've done...7 loads of laundry (though I have not folded them, many were sheets and blankets that immediately got put on beds.) Drove mom and dad to Havre, did some shopping at Walmart (I am down to needing...baby monitor, boppo pillow and baby sling for Roland.) Made my bed. Went through all of my clean clothes and folded them or put them in a space bag to be stored. Made dinner. Started cleaning the Utility room. Bleached and washed all of the hard baby toys that we got at rummage sales and got them into Roland's Toy Box.



Tomorrow, I'm going to finish cleaning Chas' room, finish all the rest of the laundry in the house, get Roland's soft toys washed and in his toy chest, wash the rest of the clothes and blankets we have for him and get those folded and put away. And if I have time/inclination, I might start cleaning the desk in the office. Oh, and wash all of my fabric for baby bibs and burp rags, so I can start on those.



Strangely, I'm not that tired. I mean...I *hurt* because I was doing too much bending and lifting, but I'm not tired. I feel like I could keep going, but there isn't much else I can do right now...let's hope this energy remains! I don't want to sleep for fear it'll fade...

What I am thankful for - part 2

Today, I am thankful for our son.

Every wiggle and kick that he delivers gives me a warm feeling.  Even though it hurts sometimes, it just thrills me to feel him moving around.  It reminds me that he is there, and it reminds me that he is healthy and happy and safe.  I love when he starts to move when I'm listening to music or when I'm talking to him.  Even when he's kicking my bladder or sitting in a really uncomfortable position, it still makes me happy.

It's been roughly 27 weeks since we found out I was pregnant, and our lives have already changed so much.  But none of the changes have been bad.  I am thankful for Roland, because I think he has brought Colin and I so much closer.  We still have our fights and we still have our problems, but the knowledge that we have a son on the way makes us both calm down a little and really think when we have those interactions.  We've both sacrificed for him, and we both will continue to do so.

I am thankful that my pregnancy has been so easy.  My whole life I have been told that fat girls have a horrible time having children.  Gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia and miscarriages and difficulties getting pregnant.  I heard horror stories, and it terrified me.  I was terrified that something horrible would happen to the baby or to me.  That my poor health choices would be the reason something bad happened to my child.  I've had back pain, but nothing that isn't manageable.  I've had heartburn, but luckily I invested in Tums.  I had minor morning sickness during the first trimester which sucked, but I'd throw up once and be done for the day.  I know one of Colin's biggest worries was that something horrible would happen to me during this pregnancy.  *knock on wood*  I'm just...so thankful that we've been so lucky.

So I'm thankful for my son, and for the changes he has already made in our lives.  I feel like I am already a different person, even without having met him face to face.

Nursery, part 2

Well, the Nursery is mostly completed.  The walls have been covered with Winnie the Pooh stickies, the closet is filled with clothes.  The shelves are all full of baskets for storage.  We still have a few things to do in there, mostly last minute organizing, but that will wait until closer to Christmas (all of my presents are currently living in there!)

It looks AMAZING in there.  It's a perfect little baby sanctuary, and I'm so happy we were able to do this for Roland.  Sometime in the next few weeks the bassinet should be all finished, and then I'll work on getting it all done in there.

So here are a few pictures, for anyone who hasn't seen them yet!

What I am thankful for - part 1

Well, it's November, which means it is time for the yearly 'Month of Thankfulness' rounds.  I'm not going to do one every day.  Not that I don't have that many things to be grateful for, but my brain is lost somewhere in my mid-section, and the likelihood of me remembering to do that is not very high.  So, I'll do a few here and there.

Right now, I am grateful for my husband.  The past 27 weeks since we found out I was pregnant haven't always been easy, but he has always been there for me.  We've had our fights and our tears, and we've both had our stubborn moments, but he really has been a godsend.  Getting up to get me water or food or chocolate, rubbing my feet or my back, hauling my fat ass off the couch or out of bed...you get the idea.  He has been amazing and gentle and loving.

My favorite moments are the ones where we are cuddling in bed and he cuddles my belly to include Roland.  I know he is going to be an amazing father from the way he talks to our baby and the way his eyes light up every time he feels or sees my belly move.

I really could not have asked for more.  I have no idea how I would have done any of this without him by my side.  I try to tell him how much I appreciate what he does, but I know that sometimes I don't say it enough.  So, to my husband - thank you for everything.  Thank you for putting up with my hormones, thank you for loving me, and thank you for doing everything you've done to help me get through this pregnancy with my sanity intact.  You have no idea how much it has all meant to me.