23 Weeks- Guest Letter From Your Abba

Dear Sprog,

So, it's 23 weeks, you'll be in our arms in roughly 17 weeks, give or take a little or maybe right on time.. it would be swell of you to be on time.  Although I'm not certain if you'll be on time.. we'll get to that later.  So, here's the thing.. let's be honest I wasn't sure if I wanted you, your mom wasn't either.. when we first found out about you.. we were frankly very frightened.  Now with only 17 weeks to go we're incredibly excited.  I know the first part might be hard to swallow, but I want you to understand how much more this means to us now that we're excited and happy to have you.  You might be curious to know what changed things, why we're excited to have you when we were terrified at first.  I don't know why your mother is, you'll have to ask her that or go read her letter I think that will make a lot of sense for you, but for me.. I was washing dishes and listening to Celtic music and I thought back to listening to Celtic music with my dad, going to music festivals and concerts and I realized the obvious, that when you're born I'll be able to share that with you, and so many other things.

I'm really looking forward to sharing so much with you, sharing my favorite foods with you and learning what your favorite foods are.  Seeing things from your perspective is going to be so amazing, I know that I'll get the opportunity to see things with the wonder and excitement that you do and I look forward to nurturing that.  Perhaps your mother is right and you'll be born with your personality, perhaps we help create that personality in you, I think it's a little bit of both. I promise that any impact from your mother and myself will be done with the utmost care.  I'm looking forward to our sharing our love for music, art, science and all sorts of things with you. I'm also looking forward to seeing you for the first time, and now we get to that promised subject.  On my birthday, which was August 1st, your mother and I went to find out what sex you are.. unfortunately you were being a little brat and refused to show us.  At least you showed us that you were happy and healthy.  Every time your mother tells me that you're kicking or moving around and I go to see you stop moving around.  What I would like you to do is not be a brat and if you could possibly make it up to us by being born a day early I promise it will be really cool for you.. if alternatively you could be born say a week earlier, that would be even better so that you can celebrate your birthday with the other kids in your class.. Something to think about.  And finally since we're still on the topic here's some of your first fatherly guilt tripping, you thought moms were the only ones that did it didn't you? Hah guess again.. So.. your mom and I have changed our lives a lot for you.  I'm attempting to go into the Navy as a Chaplain which has already required a lot, certainly you're not the only reason why I'm doing this but you are a big part of it, so.. just come a week early or at least a day early okay?

I am really excited to see what you have to show us, but I'm also excited to show you new things in addition to music and art, your mother and I have been involved in a global role playing organization called the Camarilla, which has been fun, we're both taking steps back so we can do things with you, show new things to you.  One of the things we're both really excited to do with you is the Society for Creative Anachronism.. I really look forward to showing you how to fight, singing songs with you, and enjoying a roaring fire.. Frankly it's going to be awesome.  I want you to know that we are really excited to enjoy these things with you and so much more. I also look forward to holding you, to watching you at school plays and music performances if that's what you'd like to do or sporting events, whatever you want to do as long as it's healthy we will support you. Most of all I want you to know that I'm looking forward to loving you, and I love you now.

Your Abba,

Colin

23 Weeks

One of the websites that sends me e-mails every day also sends me weekly updates.  They tell me how big my baby is (the size of a large Mango!) and different changes in Sprogs body.  It's really helpful for me, because it gives me a real idea of how my body is changing and how our baby is changing.  They also send out weekly activities, some of which are pretty neat...

This Week's Activity:

Write a letter to your baby. You and your child will treasure this gift for years to come. Go with your heart and follow your inspiration. If you need help getting started:

• Describe your feelings toward your baby and what it's like to know she's growing inside you.
• Imagine a perfect day with your baby and what you'll do together.
• Write down your hopes, dreams, and wishes for your baby.
• Think about what being a mother means to you and your definition of what makes a good mother.

Dear Sprog,

I can't believe that I'm already 23 weeks along.  We've only got 17 weeks left of this, which just seems like not enough time to get ready.  It was 17 weeks ago that I found out we were going to have you, and it's really amazing how much has changed in our lives since then.  It's amazing that we went from being utterly terrified and not certain that we wanted you to being absolutely thrilled by your existence and anxious to meet you.  There was a time there that I didn't think either of us would be able to handle the idea of having you...and now, I can't even imagine what it would be like to not have you.

I've been told that babies are born with their personalities, and I know that you already have yours.  You love to kick me at the most inopportune times, but you stop as soon as your Daddy puts his hand on my belly.  I almost feel like you are making a liar out of me, cause he still can't feel you!  And then that business with the ultrasound...you are definitely a brat.

I love the moments when I'm sitting there watching tv or on my computer and I can feel you kicking and squirming away.  I don't usually say anything, but it's just an amazing feeling.  There are times that I forget that you are in there and then there is a squirm, and I remember that in just a few months you are going to make your big appearance.

I started working at the daycare the other day, and it's been an eye opening experience.  I've seen babies from 5 weeks up to 10 years...it's amazing to see the different stages.  I just can't wait until you are here so we can go through all of those stages with you, one by one.  It has also reminded me that 2 or 3 will be MORE than enough for us!

Our lives have changed so drastically, even though you aren't even here.  I think both your Daddy and I have grown up a lot...knowing that we have another life on the way that will depend on us completely has made us rethink a lot of things in our lives.  It isn't all about us anymore.  We have to consider you, too.  Vacations won't get to be Conventions anymore...now we have to make sure we go somewhere that you can come you, something that will thrill you and broaden your horizons.  We're both excited about joining the SCA, because they are so much more family friendly.  And really, who DOESN'T want to see an adorable toddler in garb?  I think you've strengthened our relationship too.  The first few weeks were a little rough, but we fight less then we used to.

I oftentimes wonder what you will be like and what you'll look like.  If you'll be athletic or a nerd, if you'll be musical or tone deaf.  Will you love art or gymnastics or building.  No matter what, we'll be here to support you.  We'll never force you to do something you hate, but we will always push you to be better.

No matter what happens, we love you and we can't wait to meet you.

Mommy

(Ok, I know I'm pregnant when writing that makes me start bawling...)

Baby Stuff!

Here are some awesome blogs on baby stuff.  Things to think about as I spend copious amounts of time on my Amazon Wish List...

http://balancingjane.blogspot.com/2011/07/buying-baby-things-part-1-stuff-i.html
http://balancingjane.blogspot.com/2011/07/buying-baby-things-part-2-stuff-im-glad.html

Thoughts

Yeah, I know...it's been a LONG time since I've posted.  Sorry about that, all.  Life got kinda crazy...

I'm 21 weeks now, and the 2nd trimester really has been a breeze.  I felt the sprog move for the first time over the 4th of July weekend, when we were sitting up at the house and watching fireworks.  In fact, the kiddo is kicking and squirming as I type. 

Man...I love that feeling...baby has been awfully active today, which makes me happy.  I think part of it is my brain finally realizing, 'Oh, the baby is moving' rather than chalking it up to tummy rumblings.  It's really a neat feeling to know that the baby is in there.  I'm weird...every time we go to the Doctor, I have a moment of worry, 'Oh...the pregnancy isn't real.  I'm just crazy.' and then what do ya know, there is a heart beat.

Our child is definitely a brat.  Funny, I think it already has personality.  When we went in for my 20 week check up, we tried to get a look to see what we were having.  Baby had it's face buried in my back so we couldn't get a good face shot (though the doctor was able to ascertain that there is no cleft palate) and on top of that, legs were firmly clamped shut.  Knees crossed and the whole 9 yards.  The Doctor poked and prodded a bit, but the Sprog was not uncrossing for anyone.

You might be asking yourself, 'Is that REALLY April's kid?  She's not shy or demure!'  Well, yes.  And you know why?  Because it's being a brat!  Because we were both REALLY, REALLY, REALLY anxious to know...so baby had to be difficult.  Hopefully at my next appointment we can try again...and if not...well, I guess we'll just be surprised!

My morning sickness has all but disappeared.  At this point, the only time I puke is if the house smells.  My nose is still REALLY sensitive, escpecially first thing in the morning.  If the trash or the dishes need to be dealt with, I know it.  Weirdly, I also seem to get sick more often if I shower in the morning as opposed to at night before bed.  Not...really sure why, but I'm sure there is a reason!

I've been having back pain, but really, it hasn't been nothing I can't manage.  And it hasn't been anything worse than what I've experienced when not pregnant.  I've been getting massages every other week, and I think that has helped a lot.  She helps keep my hips and my lower back relaxed, and those are my worst problem places.

Colin and I are going to be moving.  Next week, actually.  We're packing up and heading off to live on the Hi-Line.  It's...a big change, but we're both excited.  I'm going to be doing school full-time this semester, and I'm going to be working part-time at the daycare.  I'll get some good experience with some kiddos.  Not sure where he'll be working yet, but it will probably be Wal-Mart.  Better than Directv?  Nope.  But being closer to my parents is going to be a huge weight off our shoulders.

We both love Missoula and we both love our friends here.  But the more pregnant I get, the more I start to freak out about living up the mountain.  And the more pregnant I get, the more I want to know that my parents will be there if something happens.  That and my little brothers are stupidly excited about the Sprog...

I feel like everything is just going so well **knock on wood.**  I haven't gained a ton of weight, my blood pressure is awesome, I feel good, baby is growing well.  I'm getting to the point of the pregnancy where I feel a lot less stress...in a few more weeks, if something DID happen and the baby came early, there is a chance it would survive.  Oddly, that makes me feel much better about everything.

I'm still scared out of my mind.  Funnily enough, it isn't really the labor and delivery that scares me.  It's what comes after.  The...having a human life that we shape and mold into a real person.  It is this huge terrifying responsibility.  At the same time - holy crap it's COOL.  We can dress out baby up in funny outfits, show them Dr. Who from a young age, listen to filk music with them, take them to conventions, teach them the morals and the manners that so many children fail to recieve any more.  We have the opportunity to improve the world around us just a little bit, by giving our child the best life we can...by raising our child to be GOOD.  To respect his/her elders and offer to do dishes if she visits a friends house, to be kind and generous, to be responsible, and to have faith.

It's a huge responsibility.  But it isn't a bad one, and it's one that we're both excited for.  It's this huge new adventure that I've always waited for, and now it's right on my door step.

Last night, we laid in bed, and Colin put his head on my stomach and talked to the baby.  It was a really amazing moment for me to be there with my family...this little tiny family that we built together.

Four months ago, we were both utterly terrified to see that little pink line appear on the pregnancy test.  There were tears and yelling and anxiety as we worried over what we were going to do, and how we were going to make this work.  There were points when I thought one or both of us was going to break under the stress of it as we struggled to come to terms with this huge news that truly put an end to our childhoods.  I've always joked about how much I hated playing "The Adult Game" but that test really drove it home for us both.  Things that we enjoyed in life - stupid, childish, meaningless things - were going to take a back seat to the little parasite I was growing.

But ya know what?  All of that - the stress, and the tears (Oh god - the tears...I should never watch TV or read or a book or be let out of my room when pregnant, since I cry ALL THE TIME), and the frustration and the uncertainty...it's all worth it.  Seeing our baby on the monitor when we go into doctors appointments, getting pictures of Sprog flashing us a thumbs up, feeling the baby kick as I'm sitting here typing...it makes it all worth it.  For me, at least...it's not for everyone, and I totally get that.  Hell, I wasn't so sure it was for us either.  But I think I was wrong.

A few weeks ago, I was bemoaning the fact that I'm not GREAT at anything.  There are a lot of things I'm very GOOD at.  Hell, just about anything I do I can get very good at...but nothing that I really excel at.  There is always someone, usually a close friend, who just does it better than me.  I kinda think that maybe mommy-hood will be my THING.  That isn't to say my friends are AWESOME parents, because they are.  I just think this is something...I'm really going to be GREAT at.  Right now, I can't wait for December to get here so we can be properly introduced, and I can start showing our baby what an amazing world it is.