Oh! And another thing...

There is just way too much damn baby stuff out there.  I started my Amazon registry...got as far as the Disney movies and decided I couldn't do anymore.  How the hell am I going to decide what we want?!?!  CRAP!

15 Weeks

Well, I'm 15 weeks, as of yesterday, and everything is going really well.  The morning sickness is mostly gone...there are still a few days every week where I get sick, but it has mostly fled (oh, thank god!)

The exhaustion is still there, but I think that is more the schedule of our lives rather than anything else.  I'm really hoping the husband can get on 5-8 hour shifts when he does his shift bid...these 10 hour shifts with only 1 vehicle in the house are pretty rough.

Our baby is now roughly the size of an apple.  Or a 26-week-gestation badger, according to our friend Karou.  I kinda prefer to think of Sprog as a baby badger...

My parents are going to be up to visit this weekend, which will be really nice.  Yay birthday weekend!

Yesterday was like Baby Smorgasborg.  Some friends of ours gave us a high chair, one of the awesome swings that rocks either side-to-side or front-to-back, a bunch of bottle accessories, and a little bouncer.  And we got a big box of blankets and sheets and awesome baby stuff from another friend.  We're starting to slowly gather things...I'm eventually going to need to make a list of what we have and what we need.

The closer we get and the more baby things we accumulate, the more terrified I get about all of it.  Much of my free time is consumed by thinking about our baby and how we're going to manage a child.  I know we can do it...especially with all of the amazing friends and family we have...but it is still intimidating.  I wouldn't trade it, and I wouldn't give it up...but I would be a complete liar if I said I wasn't scared shitless.  I have a lot of experience baby sitting...but not a lot of experience with infants.

I know that feelings like this are normal, and I don't feel bad about them.  I know that no matter how freaked out we are right now, we'll raise our baby properly, and we'll all be fine.  But that doesn't change it.

It's still hard to wrap my brain around sometimes.  There are moments where I'll be sitting there and then just boggle...'Holy Crap.  I'm going to have a baby.  I have a 26-week-gestation badger inside me!'

But ya know what?  In 5 weeks we get to find out the sex!  WOOHOO!

14 Weeks

Ok, I missed it by a couple of days.  But don't worry, I always know when that new week rolls over!  Every week is a milestone for me, and I go to look up interesting tidbits about our Sprog.

Like this week, he or she is the size of a lemon.  And I'm officially into my second trimester!

It also makes me think that in another 2 months or so, even if the baby decided to come early (which it won't, I'm too stubborn to let that happen) it would be viable and have a possibility of surviving.  That is kind of terrifying!

I'm so excited about this whole thing.  Sometimes, it still hasn't really sunk in...and then I'll find myself sitting there and boggling.  We're going to have a baby, and we're TOTALLY unprepared.  I feel like I need to run out and go shopping (but of course I don't have any money for that!)

My morning sickness has mostly gone away.  There are still mornings where I feel pukey, but for the most part I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm still very tired, but a lot of that is me just not getting enough sleep.  Our work schedules suck, and lead to getting up WAY too early.  My back and hips have been causing me a LOT of problems the last few days.  I've been avoiding the Tylenol as much as possible (though the Doctor told me I can take it) mostly because it doesn't really help much.  I have a massage scheduled for next week, so I'm sure that will help immensely.

At my last appointment, my doctor gave me a referral for massage therapy.  And my insurance will cover massages!  So guess who is going to go and get a massage every other week or so?  That's right...THIS gal.  If I can manage my pain through massage, I will feel a lot better.  I don't want to have to try to figure out drugs I can take to make it stop hurting...and in a few more months, It's GOING to be hurting.  But given the amount of relief I got with my last massage, I think that we can make this work.  And hell, even if I DID have to pay for it...$60-100 every other week to keep me from immense pain?  Hell yeah, that's worth it.

I'm feeling really good.  I've been trying to work out at least once a week or so.  Nothing huge, just some time on the excercise bike, but it's better than nothing.  I've been eating a bit better.  Drinking a TON of water.  I have a soda usually once a week, and a coffee once or twice a week.  I find that I physically can't eat as much as I used to...I just get too full.

However.  I'm still craving Golden Corral!

When Toddlers Attack!

Before I start, I have to say...I love children.  They're adorable and fun and I can't WAIT for my Sprog to show up.

That being said - some parents really piss me off.  To the point where I want to take them and shake them.  Violently.

Let me rewind a little.  My parents raised me and my siblings to be incredibly polite children.  Even when the boys were little shits (sorry guys - you totally were!) they were still pretty polite.  Please, Thank You, don't talk back to adults...you know, that kind of thing.  We knew that if we were at a store or the mall or the fair, we did NOT run off without permission.  To do so would incur The Wrath, and would sometimes end in a spanking.  We were good kids, for the most part.

One of the things this has done to me is made me a little intolerant sometimes of other peoples children.  I know I shouldn't be that way, but I really can't help it!

For example.  I work the Farmers Market with my roommate every Saturday.  There is one booth that usually brings their little girl.  She is cute, she really is...she's also a handful.  And they tend to just let her wander around!  Hundreds of people at this fair, and they just let her wander off.  She can't be older than 3!  And her Grandmother thinks it's CUTE that she wanders off and goes and talks to everyone she sees!  The fair where we work is set away from the street...but people still drive through the alley.  What if she got hit by a car?  Or even worse, what if someone snatched her?  Or what if she was allergic to something, and someone gave her some candy that she had an allergy too?

In my opinion?  TOTALLY unacceptable.  Now, I know that it isn't my kid...but it makes me nervous.  I feel like I have to watch the little one to make sure they don't get hurt, because their parents aren't going to.

I totally get that parents get busy.  No really, I understand.

But that is no excuse for letting your child run wild.  The places you CAN let your kid run around would include the part or the McDonalds Play Place.  Or maybe a toy store.

It just drives me crazy.

Today, at Starbucks, there was a group of people sitting outside drinking coffee.  There was a toddler with them, running around the patio area, mostly being ignored by the adults.  At one point, I glanced outside...and he was AROUND the building, playing on the sidewalk right by the street.  Eventually, an adult called to him and he reluctantly came back...but what was to stop that toddler from running out into the street instead?

At the end of the day - YOU, the PARENTS of your child are responsible for your child.  If you can't handle that responsibility, you shouldn't have children.  You shouldn't expect that the rest of the world will just roll over and happily ensure that your child is safe and sound (though most will, because the world is full of inherently good people.)  Now, I'm not saying you should glare at every stranger that looks at your kid...but really now.  Use a little caution and a little common sense, huh?

Survey Thursdays!

Will I post a survey EVERY Thursday?  Probably not.  Let's be honest - my memory is terrible right now!


I am going to start putting together music for us to listen to with the baby.  What kind of music do you think is best for baby?  What should we expose our lil sprog to for the next 6 months?

13 Weeks

Today marks 13 weeks.  27 more to go!

It's a big deal for me, every time another week goes by.  It means I'm that much closer to December.  It also means that another week went by where Sprog and I were both happy and healthy.  Mini Victories FTW!

It's kind of hard to believe that it's been 7 weeks since we've found out that we had a Sprog on the way.  It's been a CRAZY time for both of us.  There have been lots of tears, lots of anxiety, lots of laughing and smiling and happiness, and an extra helping of love.

My husband has been amazing...holding my hair when I was sick.  Fixing my lunches in the morning when wandering into the kitchen was a sure fire way to hurk up a belly full o' bile.  Cuddling me and massaging my back and just generally being incredibly sweet and loving.  Oh, don't get me wrong...he's had his moments.  But for the most part, he has been amazing.  Just another reminder that he's going to be a wonderful father.  I feel bad that I haven't done more...the exhaustion and the nausea has been rough.

Colin has been pretty busy.  Eating much better and exercising like mad.  He's very determined to get that weight off as quickly as possible, and I think he'll do it!  He's doing really well, and I'm very proud of him.

I read a blog today that made me lose it.  I'm on a Pastors Wife message board, and one of the ladies asked for prayers for some friends of hers who were pregnant with triplets.  At 21 weeks, one of the babies sacs ruptured.  She was rushed to the hospital and they did everything they could, but the babies were all born within a few days and they all passed away.  It was just heartbreaking to read their blog and read their story about their tiny boys.  I know I shouldn't torture myself like that, but sometimes I can't help it.  Plus, crying weeping uncontrollably is cathartic.  Right?

So anyway!  13 weeks!  Almost done with this first trimester.  Here is what I'm going through right now...

You're now almost in your second trimester and, for most women, this means the high-risk period is coming to an end. If you have not already begun sharing the good news, 13 weeks pregnant may be the perfect time.

Hooray! Your morning sickness should be starting to subside, and miscarriage is less of a risk. Your second trimester will bring both relief and reality. ... Yes, you're really having a baby! Now that the high-risk period is over, you probably have somepregnancy announcements to make. That is, if you've been able to keep the big news a secret.  And if there's a big brother or sister in the house, now is the time to let siblings know that a baby is on the way.  

You should be seeing your doctor again:  Make sure to track your progress in your pregnancy journal.

Pregnancy Week 13: All About You

Time to celebrate! You've almost survived your first trimester. Some of your aches and pains may finally be disappearing. You may notice that in place of nausea you're feeling hungry—notorious pregnancy cravings often begin now. As your uterus continues to expand, chances are you're having some troubles with heartburn, indigestion, and flatulence, as well.

A Reason to Celebrate
Many women find the upcoming second trimester of their pregnancies the most enjoyable, as nuisances such as nausea give way to attractive baby bumps and enviable pregnancy glow.

Here are a few reasons why you're feeling so good:

• Disappearing nausea: Although it's not uncommon for morning sickness to linger into the second trimester, your sick days are probably coming to an end. The reason why? Your body has become accustomed to the increased hormones propelling you into baby-mode.
  
• Increased appetite: Now that your nausea is on the way out, it's time to enjoy food again. You may notice that your appetite grows along with your baby-to-be. Bring on the ice cream and pickles!
  
• Growing baby bump: Your body's changing inside and out to accommodate your developing baby. Your internal organs shift positions to make room for an expanding uterus, and your skin stretches to allow your bump to grow outward. You're finally not just feeling pregnant—you're looking pregnant, too!
  "Showing" is probably a relief. People are more likely to hold the door open for you, pass on a sympathetic smile, and even let you cut in line at the grocery store.
  
• Lessening breast tenderness: Your breasts went through a big growth spurt during your first trimester that may have left them sore and uncomfortable. They most likely will not increase in size during the second trimester (but they may fill out more); you may notice some "starter" milk or colostrum leaking out of your nipples later in the second trimester as your body readies for baby.
  While some pregnancy symptoms fade with time, others don't. You'll still need to take plenty of trips to the bathroom as your growing baby-to-be puts pressure on your bladder. You're also going to continue to feel tired—unfortunately that's a constant during pregnancy—but your baby bump is still small enough that you should be able to rest comfortably. So give yourself a break and relax!

Pregnancy Week 13: All About Baby

Week 13 marks a milestone for your baby-to-be. Developmentally speaking she's no longer an embryo, but a fetus. She's looking—and acting—more and more like a baby every day. She appears to be resting because her eyelids have formed and are fused together, but her arms and legs move and twitch (although you probably can't feel it … yet). She can suck her thumb, too.

How Big Is Baby?

Your baby is about the size of a egg! She's growing heavier at around .5 to .8 ounces and is getting longer at about 3 inches long (crown to rump).

Second Appointment

We stayed busy today.  I called in...I wasn't feeling well, and I just had SO much stuff to get done.

First off, we headed into town and stopped at the recruiters office.  Colin filled out some paperwork.  He hasn't signed anything officially yet...but the process for officers takes a LOT longer.  First he fills out paperwork and it gets sent off.  Then, as long as that checks out (and as soon as he loses the weight) he gets to go to MEPS.  Once he's done that, he will be able to take a trip to DC for the boards.  Then, it will take them 4-6 weeks to decide if they will accept him as a Chaplain or not.  Then, 5 weeks of ODS (officer training) and 9 1/2 weeks of Chaplain school.  So the whole process is VERY lengthy.  From the schedule that the recruiter has, it looks like they are doing boards every 1-2 months.  Right now, he has until the end of July to lose about 50lbs...if that doesn't happen, then we'll shoot for the next one.

After the recruiters office, we headed off to the clinic.  We FINALLY got him in to get his toe looked at, and I thought the doctor was going to slap him.  Or maybe me.  His poor toe was/is VERY infected.  She wasn't sure that she would be able to get the ingrown part out of there.  In addition to that, he's got this massive bit of nasty that isn't helping it.  Anyway, she numbed up his toe really well and was able to get all of the ingrown bit out.  Then, he was given a huge antibiotic prescription, along with some Lortab if the pain gets bad.  Hopefully, the antibiotics will help take down some of the inflammation.  We will likely find a good podiatrist in town who can keep an eye on it for him.

After the clinic, we had to head back to the recruiters office...there was some papers he had to initial.  Plus, one of the other recruiters did his body/fat ratio measurements.  At this point, he needs to either a) lose about 50lbs or b) lose 6" off his weight while not losing any off his neck.  I'm pretty sure that we can do one of the two of those without too much trouble!

Then off to lunch at Jakers.  They have a really good soup/salad bar.  Noms!

Headed to where we THOUGHT the DMV was, only to find that it's not at the court house.  Oh, and even better, you have to have an appointment...and they were booked for the day.  Well, hell...this was the big thing I wanted to achieve!

So we headed over to my appointment and just got there super early.  That was ok though, it gave us some time to brainstorm some questions.  Dr. Burke was gone this afternoon delivering another baby, so I saw the Nurse Practitioner instead.  Didn't bother me any - I haven't had any issues at all with the pregnancy, so this was all just routine.  My bp is FABULOUS as always (120/82.)  When she pulled out the little heart monitor to check on the heartbeat, she was having a hard time finding the baby.  I didn't really freak out - I'm fat, and only 13 weeks along...that can make finding Sprog a bit difficult.  So we moved down to the ultrasound room and did it that way.  On the plus side, I've got another Sprog picture!  Baby's heartbeat was fabulous (167) and it's amazing how much it's grown in the past month.

We asked her the few questions that we had...the biggest one was about my back.  I've got some pretty nasty lower back issues...they haven't bothered me much yet, but I know they will.  She told me to rock the Tylenol and gave me a prescription/referral for massage therapy.  That SHOULD be enough for my insurance to cover massages...Woo!  We got our next two appointments set.  July 11th for another routine exam, and August 1st for our ultrasound to find out what we're having!  Even better, that is Colin's Birthday!  :)  I can't wait to know what we're going to be having...

After the appointment, we rushed over to the DMV.  They got me in just as they were closing!  So, I will soon have a Montana drivers license with my new name on it!  Woo!

So yeah...really stupidly busy day.  But very, very satisifying...we got everything done that we needed to.  Well, except for my student loan stuff, but that will just have to wait!

In the Navy, du da du da du daaah du!

I am sure there are words to the rest of the song, but I don't remember them...

For several years now, my husband and I have talked about the possibility of him joining the Armed Forces.  As a Chaplain.  For several years now, we've debated and discussed and gone back and forth about the topic.  You see, his denomination is the Church of the Brethren, which is traditionally a peace church.  They tend to support the troops but not the war, and he had a very hard time reconciling that fact.  He's always agreed that he would be very good at it, and that it is a position that is in desperate need for people, but he's always been very hesitant.

My husband also hates his current job.  He is working at Directv, making $10.00 an hour to do something he hates.  He is miserable there.  Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of jobs in Missoula.  And there aren't ANY jobs that would be putting his hard-earned degree to use.  One of the reasons we moved back to Montana was so that he could plant a church here - we thought that the city was ready for a CoB.  We've had some difficulties on that front.  It isn't going as well as we'd hoped.  Several weeks ago, he told me that while he'd felt called here...he wasn't feeling the drive to start the church anymore.  We talked a lot about finding a way for him to get his CPE (clinical pastoral education - the extra training a Chaplain for a hospital, for example, needs in order to get a job.)

Tuesday was the last that he could deal with the constant job hunting and the constant rejections.  He stopped in at the Navy Recruitment office and had a long talk with their Officer Recruiter Lady.

Before anyone asks...no, this wasn't a snap decision.  We've discussed it a lot, and I told him that I would be very supportive of him becoming a Chaplain.  The time apart will be hard...but he is going to be so good at it. People like him are needed in the Chaplain Corps.  He has a lot of experience with various denominations and he is not so set in his ways that he's not willing to talk to people and help them.  Plus, he really loves counseling people and helping them.

The biggest obstacle we're facing right now is that he needs to lose 50lbs.  Or grow 12 inches...but I think it's more likely we'll lose the weight first.  ;)  It is going to be difficult, but I think that he'll be able to do it.  He's really, really dedicated to this...he wants it, and he's going to bust his ass to make it happen.

The next boards (which are interviews, of sorts, in DC) happen in August.  Which would mean he'd need to lose the weight by then.  We're hopeful, but realistic...losing 50lbs in 7 weeks is not an easy task.  However, if he can't...there are the next boards.  At the most, he'll be waiting a year to get into training.  At the earliest, he'd be going to training in October.

I won't lie, it's a scary thing.  Depending on where he is stationed, he could be gone quite a bit.  The distance is going to be hard...but it will be worth it, in the end.

Right now, things are very up in the air.  But the plan is he'll do 5 weeks of ODS training in Rhode Island, then 10 weeks of Chaplain Training in Jackson.  After that, he'll be stationed somewhere.  He'll get down there and get us set up with a house, and then I will move down with the baby.  He will get a 'wish list' of where to be stationed, but there is no guarantee that he'll get any of the places.  There are a lot of options...unfortunately, they're ALL far away from Montana and the mountains.  But...we can visit.

He'll be going in as an officer.  The money is...pretty ridiculously good.  He'll be making double what he would as a starting CoB Pastor at a church.  And while that isn't the only consideration...it is a big one for us. I won't HAVE to work, if I don't want to.  I will finish my degree...I'll transfer wherever he gets sent.  After that, I can find a job teaching or find another way to put my English degree to use.  But it's nice that it will be an option and not a requirement.  On top of that are the other benefits like the tuition reimbursement (he'll get money to pay for his student loans,) GI Bill, health insurance, etc etc.

He told me that one of the reasons he really considered this is because of the baby.  I'm grateful to him for that.  He is going to be very good as a Chaplain, and I think that this can open a lot of doors for him.  If he doesn't like it, he'll still have experience and training as a Chaplain, and can find a job at a hospital.  Or take a church somewhere.  Or so many other things.

Needless to say, I'm very proud of my husband.  He has really grabbed this thing by the horns.  He's been working out, and eating much better.  He's willing to do whatever he has to do to make this work.

What would you do

What would you do if you only had one day left to live?

I'm sure you've all seen or heard about Alice by now.  The 15 year old girl in the UK with terminal cancer.  She's been fighting it for four years now, and it isn't a fight that she is going to win.  She started a blog just a few days ago - http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/ - just to journal this last leg of her difficult journey.  She wanted to write about her Bucket List.

If you haven't seen that movie, you need to.  It is amazing and heart rending.

So, she has her bucket list on her blog.  It includes things like Whale Watching, which she can't do as she can't leave the country; having her hair done; meeting Take That; entering her dog in a professional dog show; a purple iPad.  Little things that many little girls would want.  One of her posts talks about how grateful she is for the attention, and how she doesn't want or need anything...but that there are many children who need the support and money and items so much more than she does.

Every time I hear about this little girl, I start to tear up.  Today I was on her blog, and she had a link.  Her little sister is running in a Race for Life this weekend, to benefit Cancer research.  Her target goal was 1,000 pounds.  She's raised over 10,000 pounds.  On the page it has a little gauge that tells you how close you are to your goal.  I saw the number hit 100% and just keep going, and I couldn't help but cry.  She's raised 1012% of her goal.  That is AMAZING.  If you have money to spare, check it out - http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/millypyne1908/1.

I can't imagine that it is ever easy being diagnosed with a terminal illness.  But to find out at 15 that you are going to die before you ever really lived is heart breaking.  She will likely never attend a prom.  She'll never get married or have children or have to do all those horrible adult things like paying bills.  It hurts to think what her parents must be going through.  No one should have to bury their child.

In honor of Alice and her bravery, I want you to think about what would be on your bucket list.  Where would you go, what would you do?  What do you want to accomplish in life before you die?

What would I want to do?

Publish a novel
Finish college
Renew my vows in a Castle in Scotland
Go on Safari in Africa with my Dad
Go skydiving
Learn to scuba dive
Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef
Pet a lion cub
See the Taj Mahal, Easter Island, Stone Henge, The great pyramids
Sing on stage, for a huge crowd


Those are just some of the things I'd like to do.  It's harder then it looks...

Ugh! Some peoples children.

I know this isn't really about MY pregnancy, but it's something I kind of fell compelled to rant about.

My husband and I are on this e-mail list for his denomination.  Theoretically, it is the list for the more liberal-minded among us.  I don't really pipe up very much, mostly because I don't have much time.  Also because I feel a bit awkward as a lot of the conversations are very theologically driven and I'm really not great at the theological discussions.

Anyway.  There have been a few e-mail threads lately that really rubbed me the wrong way.  There has been a lot of back and forth about how the best thing for a child is to be raised by their Biological parents.  And that Homosexual parents can't do it right.  She made a comment - "And yet, for the purpose of birthing and raising children - I think a society should recognize the wisdom and stability of traditional marriage." 


I nearly had a fit.  I know a LOT of people in "traditional marriages" who can't and shouldn't have children.  Hell, I sometimes question OUR ability to raise a child.  Being married to someone does not mean you are fit to raise them.  Just because you pass along your genetics doesn't give you magic child-rearing abilities.  So I told her that.  I tried not to rant and rave too much, but I definitely got a little passionate.


It doesn't matter if you are a heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple or a poly-family with 8 adults.  As long as you love and cherish that child and care for it...then you're a good parent.  Doesn't matter if you are in a "traditional marriage" or not.


One thing we will definitely teach our child is that bigotry and bullshit like that is never acceptable.

So Sleepy!

The hardest part of the pregnancy so far hasn't been the morning sickness (or the afternoon sickness...or the evening sickness...) or my being unable to drink booze or caffeine.  It hasn't been the fact that my back hurts all the time and I can't take anything more than Tylenol (though I need to go get another massage.)  Nor has it even been the fact that my internal filter seems to have drifted away somewhere (if I've said something bluntly honest and borderline mean to you - I'm sorry.  If I haven't yet - I will.)  I think the hardest part of this pregnancy so far has been my complete and utter exhaustion.

On days that I can get 9 hours of sleep, I'm...ok.  Every other day though, I'm just completely wiped out.  And guess how often I can get that much sleep a night?  Yeah.  Not often.

I'm tired and I'm cranky and I feel old.  I don't have time for any of the hobbies that I love.  The thought of dragging myself out of bed every morning so I can go to a soul draining job for 8 hours usually makes me want to cry.  Simply put - this sucks.  My body is in overdrive growing the Sprog, but man...I would love to just wake up feeling rested.  It doesn't help I wake up 1-8 times every night.  Either I have to pee or my back hurts enough that I have to find some other comfortable position.

Don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't trade it.  I'm excited about the baby, and I can't wait to meet her/him.  But man...a good nights sleep would be totally blissful...maybe on Sunday I can sleep in?

Heavy, painful thoughts

Several years ago, a very dear friend of mine got pregnant. Much like mine - it was totally unexpected. However, unlike mine, she was incredibly ill, thanks to gallbladder freaking out.  They gave her all kinds of drugs, not knowing she was pregnant, and she wasn't aware of her "delicate condition" until she was well on her way to mommy-hood.

For some reason, I took it upon myself to freak out.  I started to worry about her and the baby and all the little things that could go wrong, especially given the copious amount of drinking we did just weeks before she knew she was pregnant, and the drugs they gave her for her bum gallbladder.  I spent hours and hours researching and combing the internet looking for various birth defects and trying to prepare myself for the worst possible outcome.

I scared the holy living shit out of myself.

While she was in labor, I spent hours fretting and worrying and praying that everything would be ok.  That the baby would have the correct number of limbs and eyes and noses.  And throughout the entire time, my mantra was, 'I never want to do this.  I never want to have a baby.'  But she was born and she was absolutely perfect.  And is now WAY too smart for her own good.

Anyway.  That little seed of fear and anxiety has never really gone away.  I have always wanted to have kids, but for several years now, I've been terrified of the prospect.  What if I had a miscarriage?  What if something happened when I was further along in the pregnancy?  What if we had the nursery all decorated and ready to go, and the baby died during birth?  What if the baby was incredibly sick, or had some horrible disease, or any other number of things that I just knew could go wrong.  I've had friends go through tragedies like that...and I don't think I'm strong enough to handle it.

Until SprogFace is safely born and in my arms, I'm going to worry.  Throughout this whole thing, there is going to be a little tidbit of anxiety, gnawing away at my insides.  I'm doing everything right...but I know that sometimes, that isn't enough.  I guess that is the worst part of it.  That no matter how perfect I am...no matter how many vegetables I eat (not nearly enough) or how perfect I am at taking my vitamins (damn perfect so far) that something could still happen.

Is there something wrong with me for trying to prepare for that?  Not that I want it to - it's amazing how quickly the lil parasite has grown on me - but I know, realistically, that things sometimes happen.  Horrible things sometimes happen to good people, for no discernible reason.

Every time my stomach starts to ache a little because my pants are too tight.  Or I feel overly gassy, or my head hurts, or I have a bit of vertigo - I have a moment of freaking out.  'Is this it?  Is something happening?  Is my baby dieing?  What do I do?  How do I handle it?'

I know that worrying and stressing about it doesn't do anyone any good.  Unfortunately, I can't help it.

My husband asked me the other day what we would do if the Doctor told us something was wrong.  I told him it would depend on what that 'something' was.  But if there was any chance that our baby would be able to live a happy, full life...that's all that matters.  We'd love and cherish the SprogFace, no matter what happened.

So that's whats been on my mind.  Oh, and the impending end of the first trimester.  WOOHOO!  I'm 11 weeks as of yesterday...so we're getting close.  The puking goes away then, right?