Baby Watch 2011:

Baby Watch 2011:

Contractions are hard, but not terribly regular.  Water hasn't broken yet, but things are definitely progressing.  Roland is just taking his sweet time, and that is ok.

Christmas cards won't be going out until the Sprog makes it here.

Merry Christmas everyone!  We love you all, and we will update you if there is any more action with the bratchild.  :)

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Baby Watch 2011:

Baby Watch 2011:

Well...things haven't gone as planned.  I am still only 1cm dialated.  Cervix is ripened pretty nicely, but I'm not dialated enough for him to break my water.

So...they're sending me home.  I'm being monitored right now for a but while the pitocin moves through my system.  But baby looks great, I look great....just not ready to have him.

I am frustrated with it all, but I know that this stubborn guy will cone when he is good and ready.  My hope now is I can make it until after Christmas, but we'll just see what happens.

The bright side?  They'll take this goddamn iv out of me...

Thank you all, so very much, for your kind and living words.  The support and the love is amazing.  Roland and Colin and I are so blessed to have you all!!!

But don't worry...Baby Watch will soon return!  Even if it rolls over to Baby Watch 2012...

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Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

No baby yet!  But i had a MUCH better night last night.  I slept in the chair and it was so much more comfortable than the bed.  Took a nice warm jet bath and they got me started on the pitocin again.

Still not terribly dialated, but I'm progressing nicely aside from that.  There should be a baby today!

I'm just rocking and hanging out with my cheerleaders right now.  Contractions are regular and strong.  I'm feeling good and positive and very loved...we have amazing friends and family!!

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Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Today has been...a very difficult day.  Things haven't exactly gone as planned. Young Master Roland is still firmly ensconced in my womb.  They started me on pitocin at 6 this morning...it's moved things along somewhat, but I am not much more dialated than when I started.  Contractions, however, are coming strong and regularly.

I am feeling very frustrated with my body.  I've been walking as much as possible and trying to help things along, but it just seems like nothing is going on.

And before anyone says, 'I told you so...' please don't.  Yes, I likely should have waited and let this go naturally.  Rubbing it in will likely be a quick way to get you removed from my friends list.  :)

The day really started getting rough when my nurse made some comment about me being on a full liquid diet...no one had told me anything about that, I was STARVING, and I was pretty much terrified that I was going to have to live on juice and soup until the baby came.  Luckily, they did bring me food, and I didn't have to eat the natives.

My Dr. came in around 330 this afternoon and checked me, and gave me the not-so-good news.  High likelihood that the sprog will come tomorrow...but he won't be here tonight.  Looks like he will be a Long Night Baby!

Shortly after getting that news from my Dr, I had a bit of a meltdown.  My mom left and Colin and I discussed what we were going to do.  I was kind of feeling like giving up ad going home...but the nurse told me that even though it didn't seem like it, I am making progress, and that she is confident that I'll have him tomorrow.  So...we decided to stick it out.  Try another night here, try to get me comfortable enough to sleep.

Not long after THAT, they decided they needed to take my IV out and put a new one in.  The line kept kinking up, but it was twisting at the insertion point...not much you can do except take it out.  I wasn't really pleased with this, but not much I can do...I'd had almost 2 bags of saline and lots of water, so the thought was that I'd be hydrated enough to be ok.  They pulled out the first IV and went to work on the second one.

I warned the nurse doing it.  I told her I have very difficult veins, I have a hard time with IV's, and that they terrify me and HURT me, no matter how good you are.  Obviously, she didn't listen.  She prodded around and found a vein on my left hand that looked...dicey...and decided to shoot for it.  From the moment she put it in, I knew I was in trouble.  She started rooting around, trying to get it in position...and spent about 10 minutes digging and manipulating it while I just sobbed.  I thought Colin was going to come across the table and strangle the poor woman.  She finally got it where she thought it would be ok and put the saline on...only the promptly blow the vein when she tried to flush it.  I've got a huge bump and a lovely bruise forming for her troubles.

After that, I told her I needed some time.  She was pretty shaken, probably because I was so upset and obviously in a lot of pain.  I told her I was going to take a walk, and she said she'd have someone else come and give me another IV.  Probably a good thing, because I was again on the verge of a total blowout.  Mom came back in, which was nice (I am SO happy my Mommy is here...) and I took off to curl up in the visitors lounge with everyone.

By the time I was ready to have someone else even attempt an IV, we would have had to start the pitocin again from the beginning.  The nurse talked to my doctor, and he said it was fine to just leave it off, since I was nearly done anyway.  Probably a good call, because I think I would have said 'no' and just left.

The nurse who came and gave me my new IV was fabulous.  She's normally an ER nurse, but she is up here helping out.  It still hurts, which is to be expected for me, I guess, but at least it is in and hopefully won't be going anywhere.  We taped it down good, so hopefully it won't slip or wiggle...unfortunately, she had to do it on the side of my wrist, so that makes existing tough.

They also found me a chair that I can sit in without immense pain.  My back is killing me, and these beds are terrible.  They had brought me a rocking chair earlier, but it is really too hard for me to sit in comfortably.  They found a nice padded glider (it was that, or my brothers were going to drag a damn easy chair from the lounge in for me...whether they liked it or not...) and that has helped a lot.  I will likely be putting my feet up on it to sleep tonight.

I'll be getting another Ambien tonight, and hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep.  I'm pretty tired right now, but I really don't want to leave the hospital without my baby in arms.  Everyone tells me that tomorrow looks favorable, so I'm going to keep my hopes up and do what I can to make things happen.

My parents took off for the night which is totally ok...they're going to try to get some good sleep and come home early.  Colin and I are watching some TV.  He has been SO amazing...helping me do stuff and helping me walk and just generally being a god send.

Tonight, I'll take a hot bath and a sleeping pill.  Tomorrow is another day, and everything will be great.  Thank you all so much for the kind words and the thoughts and prayers.  I can't respond to everyone individually, but they are so very appreciated.  I love you all!

Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Well...it was a long night.  Between painful contractions and having to be hooked up to fetal monitoring.. I didn't sleep much.  That's ok, though!  This morning, I got to take an amazing warm bath (with jets!) And that really helped my back.

I should be getting checked at 6 or so to see how its going.  Theoretically, they'll start me on pitocin then...

Soon, there will be baby!  First thing I'll do after he gets coveted in cuddles? Ask that they get this damn iv out...it hurts, and I'm not even hooked up to anything!

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Baby Watch 2011:

Baby Watch 2011:

Contractions are regularish and much more painful now.  Just got my last dose for the night, along with 2 Ambien.  Colin is going to veg for a bit with tv and I'm going to try to sleep. See you all in the morning!!!

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Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Still in the hospital, no baby yet.  I just got my 2nd dose of cytoxen.  I'll get a third at 10, and then we'll see how I'm doing.  There won't be a Roland tonight, but hopefully tomorrow!!!

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Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Well, I'm still only about 1cm dialated...but everything else looks good.  He was a little hesitant, but we're going to go ahead with the induction and see how it goes.  Heading up to the hospital now so we can get this party started...

So very excited...

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Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Contractions are coming more regularly, and they feel the way I thought they should.  On our way to my appointment...cross your fingers for me.  He will hopefully be inducing me to help speed things along.

Thank you so much for all of your good thoughts and wishes.  We couldn't have done this without our friends and family.  We love you all.

Quote of the morning, "well, it'll take awhile...her Vagina isn't like a stargate..."

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Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Contractions are coming more regularly and a bit harder now.  Hoping that maybe I'll go into labor before my appointment in the morning...

Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Still nothing significant happening. There have been off and on contractions all day, but still nothing regular. I've got to admit that it's a little bit frustrating...especially because I'm worried that maybe I'm just missing something.

So, it looks like no baby tonight. Maybe tomorrow? I'm all packed and ready to go...

Baby Watch 2011

Baby Watch 2011:

Well, contractions mostly stopped. Grrrrr. I'm back to having little random ones that don't feel very productive. I was supposed to have a massage this afternoon, but I think I'm going to skip it...I'm not really feeling like having a massage. My back is hurting, but I think I'd rather have one after he shows up. 

My edema today is really horrible. My hands and my feet are both just throbbing... :( I've been drinking lots of water, so hopefully that'll feel better.

I have an appointment tomorrow at 11. We'll see how it goes...

I still think today is going to be the day. We made plans to watch the Survivor finale tonight... ;)

The Final Days

I know I've been terrible at keeping this updated lately.  Things have just been pretty busy as I anxiously await the Sprog's appearance.  These last few weeks have been full of emotional highs and lows.

At my appointment on the 8th, we talked with my Dr. about possibly inducing me.  He is going to be gone over the holidays, and he really wants to be there when my baby is born.  I'm ok with that, as he's been my doctor my entire life, and I feel comfortable with him.  Plus, by that point, I was getting pretty tired of being pregnant.  So, the plan was I'd come back the following Tuesday and he would check me again (on the 8th, I wasn't dialated at all, even though my cervix was starting to thin) and we would plan on a Thursday, 12/15, induction.  I went in on the 13th, and my Dr. checked me again with some bad news.  I was just BARELY dialated, not quite 1cm, and though my cervix was still thinning, it was happening slowly.  His opinion was that trying to induce me on Thursday would just result in a lot of tears and frustrations on my part.  The last thing he wanted was to keep me in the hospital 2 days without any results.  The new plan--wait until Monday the 19th.  I'll be going in tomorrow and he will check me again, and if things are looking ok, then he'll admit me and induce me.

Maybe.

I'm not really holding my breath at this point.

And before anyone tries to tell me about all the dangers of inducing and how horrible it is and how I need to just be patient--please don't.  I am well aware of the statistics and the potential risks.  I would really, really like Roland here before Christmas...but if it doesn't happen, I won't be upset.  I'm just anxious to meet him.

I'm feeling pretty beaten up today.  I'm totally exhausted and hurting.  My hands and feet are swollen and in pain after we spent all day yesterday shopping and out and about.  I have a massage scheduled for this afternoon, but I think I'm going to skip it...I don't feel like getting naked and crawling onto a massage bed, and I just know that with my luck, my water would break in the middle of it!

Last night, I started having some pretty rough contractions while we were at the movie.  Unfortunately, they didn't last very long...this morning, I'm back to pretty mild contractions that don't really feel very productive.  I'm hoping they pick up a bit.  I wouldn't mind going into labor tonight.

I think the biggest problem I'm having is that I'm just anxious to meet our son.  Hopefully that will happen in the next few days, or I might just go crazy!

Dear House Fairy,

Thank you for returning my good bra.  Well, my old worn out bra that is really the only comfortable one I have.  It has been a rough month dealing with the crappy ones that hurt.  Thank you for giving me one that I can comfortably wear with my new endowments...that is greatly appreciated!

Please do not steal anymore of my undergarments.  I will train Roland to hunt you down and find you.

Much Love,
Me

37 Weeks

Yesterday marked 37 weeks.  We're in the home stretch here, and I couldn't be any happier.  I am now considered full-term, so if Roland decides to make his appearance a bit early, everything should be good.  I'm still doing pretty well, but I definitely feel like a huge pregnant lady.  Lots of aches and pains, a little swelling.

Gotta be honest--I'm ready for Roland to get here!  I mean, I still have so much more I need to do around the house to get ready...but I'm ready for him to come home, even though I'm not quite ready...if that makes any sense.  It seems like by the time I get out of bed, get showered and dressed (some days, I don't get that far...) and get on my computer, I'm pooped.  Once in awhile I'll find myself with a burst of energy, but those are getting few and far between!'

I need more lists...

What I'm thankful for - part 5

Today, I am thankful for my family.  Both blood and chosen.

My parents have always been incredibly supportive.  Any time I've been in trouble, they've been there to help.  It was no different when I called them to tell them I was pregnant.  I was pretty upset about it and scared to boot.  They both took off from work early, packed up some stuff, and drove 5 hours to come and see me.  Just to make sure I was going to be ok.  Just having them there for the support was amazing.

Since then, they've continued to be a bastion of support for us both.

In July, we were at my parents house for a family reunion.  At one point, while we were sitting there and relaxing, Colin looked at me and said, 'Let's just stay here.  Let's not go back to Missoula and just live with your parents.'  My mom was sitting there and she readily agreed.  We discussed it with my parents and spent several hours discussing it amongst ourselves.  We eventually decided that yes, moving up here to live with my parents would probably be for the best.

It's been nice living here.  We've redecorated the office and turned it into a nursery.  If we'd stayed in Missoula, Roland wouldn't have had a nursery...he would have been in a room with us.  But he has his own space.  They've helped us get a lot of the baby supplies we needed, from the butt-changing station to the antique bassinet that my dad and brother sanded and refinished for us.  Everyone here is excited about Roland.

Living here hasn't always been easy.  Sometimes, personalities clash.  The house is small and only has one bathroom for 5 adults.  But it's been good.  I feel safe and loved here.  I know that when Roland is born, Colin and I will have an immediate support group who will help us raise him.

And then there are Colin parents, who have also been amazingly supportive.  Their thoughts and prayers and words of encouragement have really helped us get through some difficult times.  They will be here after Christmas to visit us and the baby, and I can't wait to see them.  I wish that we were closer so we could see them more often, but we will make the best of the time we have!

We are so blessed to have such amazing families who support and love us unconditionally.

What I am thankful for - part 4

I've been slacking on these a bit.  You can't blame me too much, my brain isn't exactly in the game, so to speak.

Right now, I am thankful for our amazing friends.  Without you all, I have no idea where I would be.

When we found out that I was pregnant, it's no big secret that we were both terrified.  The sheer amount of love and support we got from our closest friends was just staggering.  The decisions that we made were not easy, and they came after lots of tears and hours of discussions and a lot of soul searching.  I know Colin spent a lot of time talking to people and working things out with them.  I tend to bottle and internalize my issues more than he does, but just getting the e-mails and the chats and the buzz responses made a huge difference.  Just knowing that we had this huge support group that was there for us no matter what we decided made me feel much less alone.

Thank you all, for that.  You will never know how much your words and support and prayers and love during those tumultuous weeks is appreciated.  I doubt we can ever repay the love, but we will try.

I am eternally grateful for the friends who are always there.  The ones who, even if we go for weeks without talking due to life getting in the way, still love me.  There are so many people out there who demand nigh constant attention...unfortunately, I have never been the type of person who can give that.  So having friends who are happy to see me when they can is a huge blessing.  There is nothing worse than your friends making you feel like crap because you don't spend enough time with them.

Colin and I have asked two people to be Roland's Godparents.  They're not really the traditional Godparents, but it was really important to me that we have people we cherish as our son's Godparents.  The adults that he can talk to if he doesn't want to come to us, the surrogate aunt and uncle who have that special bond with our child.  In reality, if he would have let me, I would have asked a lot of people to be his Godparents.  So many different people have made such an impact in his life already, through us.  Instead, he'll just have a ridiculous amount of honorary aunts and uncles.

So to all of our friends who have supported us over the last 30-some weeks, thank you.  We love you all.  Even though we don't say it as often as we should--at least, I know that I don't--we love you and appreciate you for everything you've done for us.

36 weeks

Today marks 36 weeks. Next week, I'll be full term. It's hard to believe that after all of this, SDay is right around the corner. On one hand, I'm so ready to meet our baby. On the other, I'm nervous about being a mom.

It's coming, whether or not I'm ready. Mostly, at this point, I'm just trying to stay very in tune with my body, so I know when its time.

28 days! And still so much to do! Eek!

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Having braxton-hicks contractions, likely cause I'm all wound up and keep getting out of bed to fuss in the nursery. They're not particularly painful, but they are strange.

I keep having to remind myself that the nursery is more for us. Roland doesn't care if everything is perfectly organized, so long as he has a handy boob, a clean diaper, and somewhere warm to sleep. But fussing and organizing and rummaging sure makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile!

I'm going crazy with the anticipation...what in the world am I going to do if little guy decides to continue his stubborn trend and come late?!?

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Future Christmas Traditions?

In case anyone missed it...I love Christmas. I'm not quite as crazy as my mom is, but I LOVE Christmas. I love the music and the smells and the baking...there isn't really anything about it I don't love. One of the most exciting parts about having a baby, for me, is introducing Roland to our family traditions and creating some of our own.

I saw this - http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/sabrina-babytalk/fun-elf-shelf?loc=hotlinks#.TsCX8Wa8M8o.facebook - today on Facebook, and I think it's adorable! I'm thinking we need one for our family traditions...

Rant

I know I've said this, but I will say it again. I really don't want to have to do this again.

For the record, I am NOT angry at anyone. I am not upset, I'm not avoiding you, I don't hate you. If I'm not responding to e-mails or texts or instant messages, it's not because I'm pissed. It's because I am dealing with MY life. I'm dealing with the fact that I will be having my son in 5 weeks, I'm going to school full-time, I'm working part-time and I am trying to adjust to our new life.

I'm sorry, I know that makes me a crappy friend. But Roland and Colin are the most important people in my life right now, and I have to take care of them and myself first. If you have issues with that or you can't handle that, then I am very sorry that you feel that way. However, I will NOT apologize for my actions or my inattentiveness.

When life calms down, hopefully I will have time to be more open and talkative with my friends, but I can't make any promises. If you aren't ok with that, then tell me now, and I will remove you from my friends lists and I will remove you from my life. I will NOT deal with people trying to make me feel bad over doing what I have to do to take care of myself and my family.

If you have issues with that, that is YOUR problem and not mine.

Any questions?

Little Kicks

The most amazing and most bizarre part of pregnancy, up to this point, has been feeling Roland move around.  I can feel him squirm and wiggle and hiccup and kick and punch.  Sometimes they're light little movements that leave me wondering if my stomach is just shifting around.  Other times, it is very obvious that there is a tiny little foot attempting to chest burst.  I try to tell people when he is kicking, because Colin loves to feel it and my dad wants to feel it too.  It's hard sometimes...I'll feel the movements start, and I just kind of rub my belly and stare at it in wonder.  It's amazing that there is a little bitty person in there wiggling and shifting and stretching to make himself comfortable.

35 weeks ago, there was nothing there but infinite potential.  Now, it's really a baby that could live and breath on his own, if he were born right now.  The idea is just amazing, for me.  It's hard to believe that in just a few weeks, he's going to be here.  I can't wait, but I'm totally terrified at the same time.  So many huge things wrapped up in such a tiny person!

The kicks hurt sometimes, and sometimes I even complain about them.  Secretly though, I don't mind them at all.  Even when he bounces on my bladder or lodges his foot in my ribs.  It's a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

I know that we have 5 1/2 weeks left...but I just want my baby to be here now.  I want to hold him and kiss him and nibble on his tiny hands and feet and his pudgy belly.  I know that 5 weeks isn't long in the grand scheme of thing...but I just can't wait to have our son here with us.

I'm not a patient woman at all.  I can't wait to meet my beautiful son!

What I am thankful for - part 3

Today, I am thankful for Zofran.

Thursday, I worked at the daycare until 4 and then headed home to pick up Colin.  I was going to drop him off for his shift at KMart, and then head over to the hospital for the first of my child birth classes.  Breast Feeding, which I was really excited for.  About 3/4 of the way to Havre, I started feeling a bit icky, but I put it down to having not eaten for a few hours and drinking Mountain Dew.  Dropped the husband off, grabbed a sandwich at McDonalds, and headed up to the hospital.  Ate and headed up to class.

Not even 10 minutes into the class, and I was feeling really sick, so I made my way to the bathroom...only to projectile vomit all over the carpet before I could get there.  Yeah, I felt terrible...room full of pregnant ladies, and I'm the one that has to puke all over the place.  I threw up for awhile and the teacher peeked in on me to make sure I was ok.  She told me that apparently there is a really nasty bug going around.  Short lived, but kicks your ass something fierce.  Great.  I thought I got a flu shot to prevent this, right?

So I clean myself up as best I can, and she gets me some barf bags for the trip home.  Call my mom, and she sends my dad down to Havre to pick me up so I don't have to try to drive myself.  I'm feeling like shit at this point.  Commence diarrhea and vomiting nigh constantly.  As soon as something hit my stomach it was coming back up.

Thursday night I was able to get away without puking most of the night, and I even was able to keep down some water.  It was my hope that was the end of it, but no dice.  Friday morning I was right back at it.  Called the Dr. and made an appointment, and he was able to squeeze me in before he left for the day.  We had to wait awhile, but the man truly is a saint.  We talked a bit about it and he decided it was probably just this bug and probably nothing to worry about too much.  He told me that since I'd been dealing with it more than 12 hours I was probably almost done with it, but he gave me a prescription for Zofran to stop the vomiting anyway.

Best. Medicine. Ever.

Since then, I haven't thrown up at all.  Keeping down all the liquids I've taken, though I haven't tried anything more solid than Chicken Noodle soup.  I'm feeling much better than I was, especially after getting a few hours of nap in the afternoon.

There were a few points in there where I was pretty worried.  Roland was still moving, but he was being a little sluggish and not his normal self.  After I got some water in me, he perked right back up, and he hasn't stopped kicking me since.  :)  My biggest worry through the whole thing was if he was going to be ok...having the flu sucks as it is.  Having the flu and worrying that you are killing your child is really terrible.  But everything is fine now, I'm back on track and the Sprog doesn't even seem phased by my little bug.

Dear Roland,

I'm very happy to know that my projectile vomiting has not cramped your lifestyle any. However. Please refrain from digging your little footsies into my ribs. I like breathing.

Love you bunches,

Mommy

To-Do list, Part 2

Well, we have 6 weeks left, but we're nearly all finished!


Stain and finish the Bassinet
Get a new bassinet mattress
Get new wheels for the bassinet
Get the breast pump I'm going to borrow, get new tubing
Get the house cleaned and organized (front closet, laundry room, back bathroom)
Decorate House for Christmas
Get Christmas Cards and Birth announcements ready to send (if you want one, send me your address!)
Make bibs, burp rags, blankets

Left to Buy:
baby sling, baby monitor, stroller, crib (we'll probably wait and buy this after Christmas,) changing table pad, sensitive stomach formula (just in case we have issues), a second car seat base

We're getting cloooose!

Holy Nesting, Batman!

Holy Nesting, Batman!

I've been a busy little bee today. Today, I've done...7 loads of laundry (though I have not folded them, many were sheets and blankets that immediately got put on beds.) Drove mom and dad to Havre, did some shopping at Walmart (I am down to needing...baby monitor, boppo pillow and baby sling for Roland.) Made my bed. Went through all of my clean clothes and folded them or put them in a space bag to be stored. Made dinner. Started cleaning the Utility room. Bleached and washed all of the hard baby toys that we got at rummage sales and got them into Roland's Toy Box.



Tomorrow, I'm going to finish cleaning Chas' room, finish all the rest of the laundry in the house, get Roland's soft toys washed and in his toy chest, wash the rest of the clothes and blankets we have for him and get those folded and put away. And if I have time/inclination, I might start cleaning the desk in the office. Oh, and wash all of my fabric for baby bibs and burp rags, so I can start on those.



Strangely, I'm not that tired. I mean...I *hurt* because I was doing too much bending and lifting, but I'm not tired. I feel like I could keep going, but there isn't much else I can do right now...let's hope this energy remains! I don't want to sleep for fear it'll fade...

What I am thankful for - part 2

Today, I am thankful for our son.

Every wiggle and kick that he delivers gives me a warm feeling.  Even though it hurts sometimes, it just thrills me to feel him moving around.  It reminds me that he is there, and it reminds me that he is healthy and happy and safe.  I love when he starts to move when I'm listening to music or when I'm talking to him.  Even when he's kicking my bladder or sitting in a really uncomfortable position, it still makes me happy.

It's been roughly 27 weeks since we found out I was pregnant, and our lives have already changed so much.  But none of the changes have been bad.  I am thankful for Roland, because I think he has brought Colin and I so much closer.  We still have our fights and we still have our problems, but the knowledge that we have a son on the way makes us both calm down a little and really think when we have those interactions.  We've both sacrificed for him, and we both will continue to do so.

I am thankful that my pregnancy has been so easy.  My whole life I have been told that fat girls have a horrible time having children.  Gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia and miscarriages and difficulties getting pregnant.  I heard horror stories, and it terrified me.  I was terrified that something horrible would happen to the baby or to me.  That my poor health choices would be the reason something bad happened to my child.  I've had back pain, but nothing that isn't manageable.  I've had heartburn, but luckily I invested in Tums.  I had minor morning sickness during the first trimester which sucked, but I'd throw up once and be done for the day.  I know one of Colin's biggest worries was that something horrible would happen to me during this pregnancy.  *knock on wood*  I'm just...so thankful that we've been so lucky.

So I'm thankful for my son, and for the changes he has already made in our lives.  I feel like I am already a different person, even without having met him face to face.

Nursery, part 2

Well, the Nursery is mostly completed.  The walls have been covered with Winnie the Pooh stickies, the closet is filled with clothes.  The shelves are all full of baskets for storage.  We still have a few things to do in there, mostly last minute organizing, but that will wait until closer to Christmas (all of my presents are currently living in there!)

It looks AMAZING in there.  It's a perfect little baby sanctuary, and I'm so happy we were able to do this for Roland.  Sometime in the next few weeks the bassinet should be all finished, and then I'll work on getting it all done in there.

So here are a few pictures, for anyone who hasn't seen them yet!

What I am thankful for - part 1

Well, it's November, which means it is time for the yearly 'Month of Thankfulness' rounds.  I'm not going to do one every day.  Not that I don't have that many things to be grateful for, but my brain is lost somewhere in my mid-section, and the likelihood of me remembering to do that is not very high.  So, I'll do a few here and there.

Right now, I am grateful for my husband.  The past 27 weeks since we found out I was pregnant haven't always been easy, but he has always been there for me.  We've had our fights and our tears, and we've both had our stubborn moments, but he really has been a godsend.  Getting up to get me water or food or chocolate, rubbing my feet or my back, hauling my fat ass off the couch or out of bed...you get the idea.  He has been amazing and gentle and loving.

My favorite moments are the ones where we are cuddling in bed and he cuddles my belly to include Roland.  I know he is going to be an amazing father from the way he talks to our baby and the way his eyes light up every time he feels or sees my belly move.

I really could not have asked for more.  I have no idea how I would have done any of this without him by my side.  I try to tell him how much I appreciate what he does, but I know that sometimes I don't say it enough.  So, to my husband - thank you for everything.  Thank you for putting up with my hormones, thank you for loving me, and thank you for doing everything you've done to help me get through this pregnancy with my sanity intact.  You have no idea how much it has all meant to me.

Memoirs

The other day, when we were moving furniture in the living room, I took the opportunity to rummage through my hope chest.  The tv lives on it these days, so I don't get to open it very often, which is ok.  It is full of amazing stuff from my childhood, and I wanted to share some of it with Colin.

I took the chance to pull out some stuff for Roland.  Namely, a quilt made by my Great-Great-Great Grandmother.  It's never been used, never been washed...it's a beautiful handmade quilt.  We're not going to use it for him regularly of course, but I want to get some pictures with him on it.

In addition to that, the blanket that my Great-Grandmother Alice made me when I was born, the baptismal blanket I got from my Great Aunt June and Uncle Bob, and the baptismal gown that my dad was baptized in.  Even though Roland won't be baptized, I want him to wear the gown for his baby dedication.  A lot of very old stuff that I think would be neat to at least get photographs of him in.

I also grabbed Nochi-Nose for him.  Nochi-Nose is this book that I've had since I was tiny...he's actually the second copy I've owned.  It's a completely soft book with a head and a body.  You flip the pages up and the faces change with the pages.  On one side is Snow White and on the other side is Pinnochio.  I completely destroyed the first copy, so my parents got me another one.  He's a little worn and a little dirty, but he's still an amazing toy for a little boy.

I'm really excited that I have so many heirlooms that I can share with my family.

What a difference a year makes

This time last year, I was in Cancun, Mexico.  I was playing on the beach, celebrating my best friends wedding.  We played in the ocean and swam with the dolphins and climbed around ancient ruins.  We drank constantly (go go all-inclusive resort) and ate as much as we wanted.  We laughed and relaxed and just enjoyed ourselves.  Hell, we nearly bought into a time share!  Colin and I were there for almost a week, a kind of second honeymoon for us and it was amazing.

We were preparing for our move back to Montana.  I was in school, furiously working to prove that I could do it.  I was packing our apartment and completely overwhelmed.  We had found a place to live in Missoula, and I was anxious to get home to the mountains and friends.

Having a baby was the furthest thing from my mind.

Before we even got married, we were talking about children.  We had agreed that we were going to wait 5 years or so.  We wanted to get to a place where we were financially stable and we wanted to make sure that our relationship was stable.  We were both worried that adding a child to our relationship too early on would cause more problems for us.

A year ago, we had life all planned out.  We were going to move to Montana and Colin was going to start a church.  I'd finish school and become a teacher.  We'd live out our lives in the mountains, comfortable and surrounded by friends.  We would eventually start trying for a baby and we would take things as they came.

The best laid plans and all that jazz...

Six months ago, I was frantically praying that the test would come back negative.  It didn't, obviously,  Neither did the subsequent ones.  My emotions those first few weeks were all over the board.  Horrified and terrified and excited and sad and frustrated and angry.  There were a lot of tears and a lot of frustration.  We spent hours talking it out, debating how we were going to afford to bring a child into our lives.

It took some time, but many of the emotions faded away.  Now, we both look forward to Roland with excitement and love.  There is still a fair bit of terror in there, but I don't think that is necessarily a negative emotion.

In 9 weeks, we are going to have a new addition to our family.  He is going to be loud and demanding and make horrible smells.  He is going to depend on us completely to take care of him.  We will have to raise him to be a good person, teach him right from wrong, and show him all of the wonders that the world holds.  We often talk about things we are going to do with Roland.  Camping next summer, the waterslides the summer after that.  Children's museums and aquariums and silly little road side museums (you know, the ones with the 2 headed calves.)  Everything that we would do together will be that much more exciting with him.

The past year has been insane and exciting.  The next year will be as well.  I'm still terrified, but I can't wait to see what the future holds for our little family.

Pictures

I realize that I completely forgot to put pictures up here!

Here are the pictures from the various ultrasounds we've had!

My favorites are the feet.  I'm just in love with his little tiny feet!

Nursery, part 1

When Colin and I moved in with my parents, we planned on it being a temporary thing.  We were having a really difficult time finding any place to rent in the area.  So, after some discussion, we decided we'd stay here until Colin heads off to the Navy.  It makes perfect sense - we'll help with groceries and such, but we won't have to pay any bills, and we can start getting some of our old bills caught up.  Plus, we'll have the help from my family in taking care of Roland.

My parents house is not overly large.  On top of that it is cluttered.  Not messy, just cluttered.  Upon deciding that we were going to be staying here for the forseeable future, we set about deciding where we were going to keep the baby.  The plan?  Turn the Office back into a Nursery.  Apparently, in the Before Times, in the Long, Long Ago...when Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth...the Office was used as a nursery.  Really no reason it couldn't go back to it's original function.

Problem one - The office was filled with a ridiculous amount of stuff.  Empty boxes, empty baskets, crafting supplies, school supplies, notebooks, hunting gear, camping gear, papers dating back to the 70's, photo albums...you name it, and it was probably in there.  I think we probably got 2 pickup loads of trash out of that room and even more stuff hauled down into the basement.  We found many a treasure, and threw out a ton of stuff that we just didn't need any more.

Thursday, they hauled everything left out of the office so that we could start the painting process.  You'd think after all that cleaning there wouldn't be much left in there.  You'd be terribly wrong!  The house right now looks...pretty insane.  But it is mostly baby stuff that will be shoved back into that room when we're done.

Winnie the Pooh wall decorations have been ordered and recieved and are ready to be stuck on the walls.  We have primed the room (save the closet and the ceiling) and we will hopefully be getting the color on the walls tomorrow.

In the next few days, the nursery will be done, and then we can start focusing on the rest of the house!  I think the first order of business will be the utility room.

It's coming together.  Slowly but surely...

To-Do List

Paint & Decorate the Nursery - We have a bit more stuff to put up, but we're close
Carpet the Nursery - We're just going to do an easy staple down carpet
Sand down and stain the crib, changing table and bassinet - We're going to buy a new crib
Get a new bassinet mattress
Get new wheels for the bassinet
Get the breast pump I'm going to borrow
All of Roland's babies clothes washed in baby detergent and hung up or folded
Get all of our stuff out of the house and stored in the Garage
Get our new bed and get moved into our new room
Get the house cleaned and organized (bathroom, front closet, laundry room, back bathroom, kitchen, nook)
Decorate House for Christmas
Get Christmas Cards and Birth announcements ready to send (if you want one, send me your address!)
Make bibs, burp rags, blankets

Left to Buy:
Diapers, wipes, towels, socks, breast milk bags, binkies, binkie holder, bottles, nipples, breast pads, baby sling, baby monitor, stroller, baby grooming equipment, thermometer, desitin, baby tylenol, baby ibuprofen, gas drops, gripe water, diaper pail/dispenser, changing table pad, bibs, burp rags, dishwasher rack for nipples & binkies, sensitive stomach formula (just in case we have issues), Santa Outfits for bringing him home, lamp shade, swaddling blankets, car seat head rest, a second car seat base, mattress pads

So...I have 11 weeks to finish all of that.  I've got a LOT of help getting everything done, so that is a huge blessing.  I'm sure I'm missing something on my list of things to buy...because Roland is going to make his Grand Entrance during the worst part of the winter, I really want to get as much done as possible.  Midnight runs to the store for something just aren't going to be feasible.

Busy fall days

I've got to admit - this whole baby thing is incredibly intimidating and more than a little overwhelming...

Yesterday, Mom and I took a trip to Havre.  We hit some rummage sales and got some AMAZING deals.  We came away with two rubbermaid containers filled with 0-6 month clothes, one filled with bigger sizes, a Newborn snowsuit, 3 larger sized snow suits, a ton of baby hats, 10 receiving blankets, a huge Classic Pooh tapestry type blanket, a giant stuffed tigger, some shoes, a pair of cowboy boots, a box full of newborn toys, and a bunch of breastfeeding accessories (breast pads, a few drop-in bottles & more drop-ins, brand new nipples, etc.)  We paid about $100 for the whole thing.  So we have lots and lots of baby clothes, though there are still a few things we need...burp rags, bibs, socks, wash clothes and towels and more long-sleeved (thermal if I can find 'em) onesies.

Then we got paint for the nursery and stain for the wood furniture and all of the accessories for that.

Then a trip to Ben Franklin for lots of fabric.  I've got enough to make 2 fleece tie blankets (one is Navy print, one is this utterly adorable Snoopy Christmas print) and enough fabric to make a crap ton of burp rags and bibs.  Next time I get there I'm going to pick up some more yarn so I can make some hats.

I just feel like I have so much I need to accomplish and just not enough time to do it all.  We have 11 1/2 weeks.  We still need to paint the nursery, lay the carpet, wash ALL the clothes and organize them by size, get a rod to hang clothes up and get everything organized and ready to go.  And Colin and I need to find a time to get to some parenting classes.  I'm just...overwhelmed.  So instead of starting somewhere and just going, I'm kinda doing what I usually do...sitting there and crying internally at how much I still need to accomplish.  Ack!  It's maddening!

The baby is moving a lot more these days.  He's constantly rolling around and wiggling and kicking me.  It's awesome that he is so active...though it doesn't help the way I feel.  I can definitely feel the energy I had in the second trimester fading.  Today?  I'm still exhausted from our excursions yesterday.  I sleep 8-10 hours a night, and often times feel like I need a nap in the middle of the day.  I ache all over and I'm just tired.  I'm happy and excited...but so sleepy!  My hope is that we can get the majority of the renovations and cleaning in the house done by the end of October...let's see how that goes!

I don't know if I mentioned it, but we're going to be living with my parents for the forseeable future, at least until Colin gets into the Navy.  It's actually all working out really well.  We're going to move into the old nursery room, the baby is going to be in the old office, and it will be nice to have the help of having my parents right here.

Whew.  I'm not sure if I'm ready for this...

Congratulations! It's a...

Last Tuesday, we had an appointment in Havre for another ultrasound, with the hope that we would be able to find out the sex of the baby.  Luckily, Sprog was not shy this time.

The first first shot we got was a butt shot.  And it was pretty obvious there that we're having a little boy!  Roland Mykle is the name we've decided on.  It might change, but I think we're pretty set on it.  Roland is an old German name meaning, 'Renowned Land.'  And Mykle is pronounced Michael.  It's the way one of our dear friends spells his name, and I've always loved this spelling of it. The more we talk about it, the more I love it.

It was pretty funny.  My mom was with us and asked the tech, 'Are you SURE it's a boy??' (she had her heart set on a girl too.)  It took us almost an hour to get all the shots we needed...and it was pretty clear that he was still a boy.  He just kept flashing us!  Guess he's gotten over his shyness?

Knowing that we are having a boy is a little scary, to be completely honest.  I somehow convinced myself it was going to be a girl.  Don't get me wrong...I'm thrilled to know that Roland is healthy.  But boys are a lot scarier than girls, somehow.  Despite that, I'm getting really excited...just knowing what we're having is a huge thing for me!  It gives me something to look forward to until we actually get to meet the little guy.

He has been super active lately.  It's crazy to feel him kicking and squirming.  Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but it's still a pretty amazing feeling.  I gripe about it a lot, but secretly, I don't mind it at all.  It reminds me that he's there and that he is healthy and safe.  It's funny, sometimes when I'm bending forward he gets really cranky and starts kicking the crap out of me.  Good to know who the boss in this relationship is...

And the exciting news from today?  I'm 27 weeks!  Every day takes us a little closer to S-Day (Sprog-Day) and I really can't wait.  13 more weeks and we'll have our beautiful baby boy!

Who wants to take bets on if I can get everything done by the time he shows up?  ;)

24 week checkup!

Even though tomorrow I'll be 25 weeks, finally got in today to see my new doctor for my 24 week checkup.  Well, actually, he is my childhood doctor, which is kind of nice.  I didn't have to fill out any paperwork and he already knows all my family history.  Though it's a little strange that he's the doctor who delivered ME...

Anyway.  The appointment today went well.  I haven't gained any weight since my last appointment, so I am still hovering around my pre-pregnancy weight, which is awesome.

We did more lab work today, which included drinking the horrible Orange Stuff of DOOM.  It tastes like a melted orange freezer pop.  Yuck!  The crap gave me a serious headache and made me feel like I was going to barf.  Then they had to draw blood which was, as always, a treat (note the sarcasm.)  First they went for the big lovely vein in the arm...which they missed.  So they dug.  And dug.  And dug some more.  Owwww.  It's not their fault...it just sucks.  So then they went for the hand, which is almost worse than having my arm dug in to.

The doctors nurse just called and all my blood work came back just fine.  WOOHOO no gestational diabetes!  Whew!  That was one of my big worries.  That crap was NASTY.  It tasted like melted orange freezer pops.  Yuck.

Now to keep the blood pressure down and we'll be good!  The first time the nurse took my bp today it was 160/100...which is totally unheard of for me.  When Dr. Nolan took it a second time it was back down to my normal 120/80'ish, so that's good.

The only downside about the day is that the ultrasound didn't get scheduled when I called.  So...we still don't know if we're having a girl or a boy.  On the bright side, the hospital has a 3-D ultrasound, so when we go in next Tuesday for it, we should get to see what we're having.  Hopefully.  The anticipation is killing me!

In other news, Sprog is getting VERY active.  When the nurse tried to get the heartbeat today, she had it for about 10 seconds before the bratling tumbled away and she couldn't find it again.  There have been lots of acrobatics - kicking and squirming and tumbling.  Colin is able to feel it now too, which is really awesome.

All in all - very good day.  15 weeks to go!  We're getting close, boys and girls!

23 Weeks- Guest Letter From Your Abba

Dear Sprog,

So, it's 23 weeks, you'll be in our arms in roughly 17 weeks, give or take a little or maybe right on time.. it would be swell of you to be on time.  Although I'm not certain if you'll be on time.. we'll get to that later.  So, here's the thing.. let's be honest I wasn't sure if I wanted you, your mom wasn't either.. when we first found out about you.. we were frankly very frightened.  Now with only 17 weeks to go we're incredibly excited.  I know the first part might be hard to swallow, but I want you to understand how much more this means to us now that we're excited and happy to have you.  You might be curious to know what changed things, why we're excited to have you when we were terrified at first.  I don't know why your mother is, you'll have to ask her that or go read her letter I think that will make a lot of sense for you, but for me.. I was washing dishes and listening to Celtic music and I thought back to listening to Celtic music with my dad, going to music festivals and concerts and I realized the obvious, that when you're born I'll be able to share that with you, and so many other things.

I'm really looking forward to sharing so much with you, sharing my favorite foods with you and learning what your favorite foods are.  Seeing things from your perspective is going to be so amazing, I know that I'll get the opportunity to see things with the wonder and excitement that you do and I look forward to nurturing that.  Perhaps your mother is right and you'll be born with your personality, perhaps we help create that personality in you, I think it's a little bit of both. I promise that any impact from your mother and myself will be done with the utmost care.  I'm looking forward to our sharing our love for music, art, science and all sorts of things with you. I'm also looking forward to seeing you for the first time, and now we get to that promised subject.  On my birthday, which was August 1st, your mother and I went to find out what sex you are.. unfortunately you were being a little brat and refused to show us.  At least you showed us that you were happy and healthy.  Every time your mother tells me that you're kicking or moving around and I go to see you stop moving around.  What I would like you to do is not be a brat and if you could possibly make it up to us by being born a day early I promise it will be really cool for you.. if alternatively you could be born say a week earlier, that would be even better so that you can celebrate your birthday with the other kids in your class.. Something to think about.  And finally since we're still on the topic here's some of your first fatherly guilt tripping, you thought moms were the only ones that did it didn't you? Hah guess again.. So.. your mom and I have changed our lives a lot for you.  I'm attempting to go into the Navy as a Chaplain which has already required a lot, certainly you're not the only reason why I'm doing this but you are a big part of it, so.. just come a week early or at least a day early okay?

I am really excited to see what you have to show us, but I'm also excited to show you new things in addition to music and art, your mother and I have been involved in a global role playing organization called the Camarilla, which has been fun, we're both taking steps back so we can do things with you, show new things to you.  One of the things we're both really excited to do with you is the Society for Creative Anachronism.. I really look forward to showing you how to fight, singing songs with you, and enjoying a roaring fire.. Frankly it's going to be awesome.  I want you to know that we are really excited to enjoy these things with you and so much more. I also look forward to holding you, to watching you at school plays and music performances if that's what you'd like to do or sporting events, whatever you want to do as long as it's healthy we will support you. Most of all I want you to know that I'm looking forward to loving you, and I love you now.

Your Abba,

Colin

23 Weeks

One of the websites that sends me e-mails every day also sends me weekly updates.  They tell me how big my baby is (the size of a large Mango!) and different changes in Sprogs body.  It's really helpful for me, because it gives me a real idea of how my body is changing and how our baby is changing.  They also send out weekly activities, some of which are pretty neat...

This Week's Activity:

Write a letter to your baby. You and your child will treasure this gift for years to come. Go with your heart and follow your inspiration. If you need help getting started:

• Describe your feelings toward your baby and what it's like to know she's growing inside you.
• Imagine a perfect day with your baby and what you'll do together.
• Write down your hopes, dreams, and wishes for your baby.
• Think about what being a mother means to you and your definition of what makes a good mother.

Dear Sprog,

I can't believe that I'm already 23 weeks along.  We've only got 17 weeks left of this, which just seems like not enough time to get ready.  It was 17 weeks ago that I found out we were going to have you, and it's really amazing how much has changed in our lives since then.  It's amazing that we went from being utterly terrified and not certain that we wanted you to being absolutely thrilled by your existence and anxious to meet you.  There was a time there that I didn't think either of us would be able to handle the idea of having you...and now, I can't even imagine what it would be like to not have you.

I've been told that babies are born with their personalities, and I know that you already have yours.  You love to kick me at the most inopportune times, but you stop as soon as your Daddy puts his hand on my belly.  I almost feel like you are making a liar out of me, cause he still can't feel you!  And then that business with the ultrasound...you are definitely a brat.

I love the moments when I'm sitting there watching tv or on my computer and I can feel you kicking and squirming away.  I don't usually say anything, but it's just an amazing feeling.  There are times that I forget that you are in there and then there is a squirm, and I remember that in just a few months you are going to make your big appearance.

I started working at the daycare the other day, and it's been an eye opening experience.  I've seen babies from 5 weeks up to 10 years...it's amazing to see the different stages.  I just can't wait until you are here so we can go through all of those stages with you, one by one.  It has also reminded me that 2 or 3 will be MORE than enough for us!

Our lives have changed so drastically, even though you aren't even here.  I think both your Daddy and I have grown up a lot...knowing that we have another life on the way that will depend on us completely has made us rethink a lot of things in our lives.  It isn't all about us anymore.  We have to consider you, too.  Vacations won't get to be Conventions anymore...now we have to make sure we go somewhere that you can come you, something that will thrill you and broaden your horizons.  We're both excited about joining the SCA, because they are so much more family friendly.  And really, who DOESN'T want to see an adorable toddler in garb?  I think you've strengthened our relationship too.  The first few weeks were a little rough, but we fight less then we used to.

I oftentimes wonder what you will be like and what you'll look like.  If you'll be athletic or a nerd, if you'll be musical or tone deaf.  Will you love art or gymnastics or building.  No matter what, we'll be here to support you.  We'll never force you to do something you hate, but we will always push you to be better.

No matter what happens, we love you and we can't wait to meet you.

Mommy

(Ok, I know I'm pregnant when writing that makes me start bawling...)

Baby Stuff!

Here are some awesome blogs on baby stuff.  Things to think about as I spend copious amounts of time on my Amazon Wish List...

http://balancingjane.blogspot.com/2011/07/buying-baby-things-part-1-stuff-i.html
http://balancingjane.blogspot.com/2011/07/buying-baby-things-part-2-stuff-im-glad.html

Thoughts

Yeah, I know...it's been a LONG time since I've posted.  Sorry about that, all.  Life got kinda crazy...

I'm 21 weeks now, and the 2nd trimester really has been a breeze.  I felt the sprog move for the first time over the 4th of July weekend, when we were sitting up at the house and watching fireworks.  In fact, the kiddo is kicking and squirming as I type. 

Man...I love that feeling...baby has been awfully active today, which makes me happy.  I think part of it is my brain finally realizing, 'Oh, the baby is moving' rather than chalking it up to tummy rumblings.  It's really a neat feeling to know that the baby is in there.  I'm weird...every time we go to the Doctor, I have a moment of worry, 'Oh...the pregnancy isn't real.  I'm just crazy.' and then what do ya know, there is a heart beat.

Our child is definitely a brat.  Funny, I think it already has personality.  When we went in for my 20 week check up, we tried to get a look to see what we were having.  Baby had it's face buried in my back so we couldn't get a good face shot (though the doctor was able to ascertain that there is no cleft palate) and on top of that, legs were firmly clamped shut.  Knees crossed and the whole 9 yards.  The Doctor poked and prodded a bit, but the Sprog was not uncrossing for anyone.

You might be asking yourself, 'Is that REALLY April's kid?  She's not shy or demure!'  Well, yes.  And you know why?  Because it's being a brat!  Because we were both REALLY, REALLY, REALLY anxious to know...so baby had to be difficult.  Hopefully at my next appointment we can try again...and if not...well, I guess we'll just be surprised!

My morning sickness has all but disappeared.  At this point, the only time I puke is if the house smells.  My nose is still REALLY sensitive, escpecially first thing in the morning.  If the trash or the dishes need to be dealt with, I know it.  Weirdly, I also seem to get sick more often if I shower in the morning as opposed to at night before bed.  Not...really sure why, but I'm sure there is a reason!

I've been having back pain, but really, it hasn't been nothing I can't manage.  And it hasn't been anything worse than what I've experienced when not pregnant.  I've been getting massages every other week, and I think that has helped a lot.  She helps keep my hips and my lower back relaxed, and those are my worst problem places.

Colin and I are going to be moving.  Next week, actually.  We're packing up and heading off to live on the Hi-Line.  It's...a big change, but we're both excited.  I'm going to be doing school full-time this semester, and I'm going to be working part-time at the daycare.  I'll get some good experience with some kiddos.  Not sure where he'll be working yet, but it will probably be Wal-Mart.  Better than Directv?  Nope.  But being closer to my parents is going to be a huge weight off our shoulders.

We both love Missoula and we both love our friends here.  But the more pregnant I get, the more I start to freak out about living up the mountain.  And the more pregnant I get, the more I want to know that my parents will be there if something happens.  That and my little brothers are stupidly excited about the Sprog...

I feel like everything is just going so well **knock on wood.**  I haven't gained a ton of weight, my blood pressure is awesome, I feel good, baby is growing well.  I'm getting to the point of the pregnancy where I feel a lot less stress...in a few more weeks, if something DID happen and the baby came early, there is a chance it would survive.  Oddly, that makes me feel much better about everything.

I'm still scared out of my mind.  Funnily enough, it isn't really the labor and delivery that scares me.  It's what comes after.  The...having a human life that we shape and mold into a real person.  It is this huge terrifying responsibility.  At the same time - holy crap it's COOL.  We can dress out baby up in funny outfits, show them Dr. Who from a young age, listen to filk music with them, take them to conventions, teach them the morals and the manners that so many children fail to recieve any more.  We have the opportunity to improve the world around us just a little bit, by giving our child the best life we can...by raising our child to be GOOD.  To respect his/her elders and offer to do dishes if she visits a friends house, to be kind and generous, to be responsible, and to have faith.

It's a huge responsibility.  But it isn't a bad one, and it's one that we're both excited for.  It's this huge new adventure that I've always waited for, and now it's right on my door step.

Last night, we laid in bed, and Colin put his head on my stomach and talked to the baby.  It was a really amazing moment for me to be there with my family...this little tiny family that we built together.

Four months ago, we were both utterly terrified to see that little pink line appear on the pregnancy test.  There were tears and yelling and anxiety as we worried over what we were going to do, and how we were going to make this work.  There were points when I thought one or both of us was going to break under the stress of it as we struggled to come to terms with this huge news that truly put an end to our childhoods.  I've always joked about how much I hated playing "The Adult Game" but that test really drove it home for us both.  Things that we enjoyed in life - stupid, childish, meaningless things - were going to take a back seat to the little parasite I was growing.

But ya know what?  All of that - the stress, and the tears (Oh god - the tears...I should never watch TV or read or a book or be let out of my room when pregnant, since I cry ALL THE TIME), and the frustration and the uncertainty...it's all worth it.  Seeing our baby on the monitor when we go into doctors appointments, getting pictures of Sprog flashing us a thumbs up, feeling the baby kick as I'm sitting here typing...it makes it all worth it.  For me, at least...it's not for everyone, and I totally get that.  Hell, I wasn't so sure it was for us either.  But I think I was wrong.

A few weeks ago, I was bemoaning the fact that I'm not GREAT at anything.  There are a lot of things I'm very GOOD at.  Hell, just about anything I do I can get very good at...but nothing that I really excel at.  There is always someone, usually a close friend, who just does it better than me.  I kinda think that maybe mommy-hood will be my THING.  That isn't to say my friends are AWESOME parents, because they are.  I just think this is something...I'm really going to be GREAT at.  Right now, I can't wait for December to get here so we can be properly introduced, and I can start showing our baby what an amazing world it is.

17 weeks and counting!

Appointment today went really well.  I'm about 15lbs less than what I was at my first appointment.  I haven't gained ANY weight yet, which really makes me happy.  I have been eating better (and I suppose the puking hasn't hurt that...)

So no weight gain yet, and I'm 17 weeks.  If I keep this up, my doctor will be verah happy.  My BP was a little high, but nothing to worry about.

Once again, Sprog did NOT want us to find him/her with the doppler.  It kept squirming around and the doctor couldn't find the heart beat.  So, once again, we got to get an ultrasound and see the baby.

Our baby has a head!  And a body!  And it was waving at us!

And it was really awesome, because we got to see him/her squirm and wiggle around.  When Colin was saying, "Hello, Sprog" it went all wiggly.  :D

It was pretty awesome.  I can't wait to meet my baby...

Oh! And another thing...

There is just way too much damn baby stuff out there.  I started my Amazon registry...got as far as the Disney movies and decided I couldn't do anymore.  How the hell am I going to decide what we want?!?!  CRAP!

15 Weeks

Well, I'm 15 weeks, as of yesterday, and everything is going really well.  The morning sickness is mostly gone...there are still a few days every week where I get sick, but it has mostly fled (oh, thank god!)

The exhaustion is still there, but I think that is more the schedule of our lives rather than anything else.  I'm really hoping the husband can get on 5-8 hour shifts when he does his shift bid...these 10 hour shifts with only 1 vehicle in the house are pretty rough.

Our baby is now roughly the size of an apple.  Or a 26-week-gestation badger, according to our friend Karou.  I kinda prefer to think of Sprog as a baby badger...

My parents are going to be up to visit this weekend, which will be really nice.  Yay birthday weekend!

Yesterday was like Baby Smorgasborg.  Some friends of ours gave us a high chair, one of the awesome swings that rocks either side-to-side or front-to-back, a bunch of bottle accessories, and a little bouncer.  And we got a big box of blankets and sheets and awesome baby stuff from another friend.  We're starting to slowly gather things...I'm eventually going to need to make a list of what we have and what we need.

The closer we get and the more baby things we accumulate, the more terrified I get about all of it.  Much of my free time is consumed by thinking about our baby and how we're going to manage a child.  I know we can do it...especially with all of the amazing friends and family we have...but it is still intimidating.  I wouldn't trade it, and I wouldn't give it up...but I would be a complete liar if I said I wasn't scared shitless.  I have a lot of experience baby sitting...but not a lot of experience with infants.

I know that feelings like this are normal, and I don't feel bad about them.  I know that no matter how freaked out we are right now, we'll raise our baby properly, and we'll all be fine.  But that doesn't change it.

It's still hard to wrap my brain around sometimes.  There are moments where I'll be sitting there and then just boggle...'Holy Crap.  I'm going to have a baby.  I have a 26-week-gestation badger inside me!'

But ya know what?  In 5 weeks we get to find out the sex!  WOOHOO!