11 months strong

It's hard to believe that my sweet little boy is already 11 months old.  This time last year, I was uncomfortable and crabby and just waiting for him to show up any old day.  I just wanted to hold him and be done with pregnancy!  Of course, he ended up proving he was more stubborn than I am by coming two weeks past his due date.

Now, I'm sitting here watching him play quietly with his books, and just marveling at how amazing he is.  He surprises me daily with his personality quirks, his smile and his pure charm.  Sometimes we look at him and just say, 'Yeah.  He is ALL BOY.'

He has no fear of anything.  He has started climbing on things to reach something that was moved out of his reach.  If he's sitting on your lap, he will gleefully dive towards the floor.  Sometimes we don't catch him in time, but he just tumbles down and keeps on going.  There are moments where I look at him and think, 'How in the hell did you get so dirty?'  I'm pretty sure that any dirt and grime in the house is magnetically drawn to him.

He has the best smile in the world.  A little impish grin with one tiny dimple.  Oh, and heaven forbid you don't pay enough attention to him!  He'll get up in your face and tilt your head with that, 'I'm so damn cute' look.

I saw a picture on facebook the other day that said, 'I didn't believe until true love until I had a child.'  Or something along those lines.  And it is so true...I never realized just how much I could love another human being.  I mean, I love my husband, and he is very important to me...but the love for my son completely eclipses that.

The past 11 months have not been easy.  Motherhood is filled with frustration and anxiety and fear.  You always wonder if you are doing things right and if you are strong enough to make it through.  You stay up late into the night worrying about if your child is happy, if they will grow up happy, if unimaginable tragedy will strike your family and you won't be able to watch him grow up.  Every day there is a new worry that crops up in your mind.

You know what, though?  It's normal.  It's normal to worry and stress about those little fears.  That's just part of what makes us all human.  I know I've worried a ton about being a bad mom.  But as I sit here and look at my happy, healthy, intelligent, amazing son...I know that I'm not doing too terrible.

This past year has been one of the most difficult.  But there is no doubt in my mind that it has been the most rewarding.  The things I've gone through and the things I've sacrificed are nothing compared to the amazing little man that is in my life.

Of course, once he starts walking, I might want to trade him in for a newer model... ;)

Happy Birthday, Rollo!  I love you so very much.