It's a pretty big topic, particularly among mothers. What is the best way to feed your child? Of course, there are so many nutritional perks in breast milk...but that doesn't really explain the militant nature of some mothers.
Let me say first--breast milk IS the best for babies. It's good and tasty and breast feeding is a good bonding experience. However, the important thing is that your child is happy and healthy and well fed and growing, regardless of whether you're breast feeding or formula feeding.
Breast feeding has become a Big Deal lately. Some places of business get a little crabby if you are breast feeding in public. The internet is full of stories of mothers who were asked to leave the store while breast feeding because they were "distracting." It's not like they're whipping their boobs out and flashing people. They're not being lewd or obnoxious, most of them are just discreetly and quietly feeding their child. Hell, during the summer, you'll see women who are exposing much more than that wandering around and no one says a word.
Why is our society so afraid of breast feeding? Why do they find it disgusting or distracting or wrong? Why are mothers told that they should feed their child in the bathroom?
I'll admit--I didn't breast feed in public, but it wasn't because anyone made me feel bad about it. It was all my own preference. We had a tough time breast feeding, and getting positioned was a real challenge for me. I couldn't even imagine trying to balance that. So instead, I pumped what I could and supplemented with formula.
People gave me grief over it. Not many, because I think people were a little afraid of me those first few months. But I did get a few opinions on both sides of the spectrum. I had people tell me, 'Well, you know, formula feeding isn't healthy...' and people tell me, 'Why are you still pumping if you're feeding him formula as well.' Well, because that's what I wanted to do.
When Roland was about 3 1/2 months old, my supply went way down. I'm sure that if I'd worked harder at it, I could have kept it flowing smoothly. But here was a kid that was already drinking 10 ounces in a sitting. And near the end, I was getting MAYBE an ounce at a time. I'd pump every 2 or 3 hours and get hardly nothing. When I compared it to what he was capable of drinking, it was totally discouraging. I remember the last day I was breast feeding and pumping (because I'd alternate between letting him latch and pumping) I spent the entire day just sobbing because I was a failure as a mother. That was a bad day.
The worst part about Breast versus Bottle is that the nastiest people are other women. Other MOTHERS. Women are telling one another that they aren't doing it right, that they are endangering their child through their choices. There is sniping and bitching and back biting and it's absolutely horrible.
We live in a society where as women, we have to struggle every day. We have people telling us that we can't breast feed in public because it's disgusting or wrong. Those same people tell us that breast feeding is best, so obviously, we're not supposed to leave our homes for the first year of our child's life.
We need to support each other. Having a child is hard work as it is. There are so many decisions that you have to make, and you always second guess yourself and wonder if what you are doing is right for your child. This decision shouldn't be one that causes so much dissent. Your baby is fed and healthy...that is what matters. That is the only thing that matters.
A lot of women have a sudden reduction in their supply around the three month mark, surprisingly it isn't something that is discussed much in the Breastfeeding Moms circles. "Try harder, pump more, drink more water, relax a bit" is what it's usually met with but those don't always help. There are definitely other options out there that work for getting over that hump (at the time, of course); and they differ for every individual mother.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing that is rarely discussed, sadly it is rarely discussed even by female medical professionals who are in the business of bringing life into the world and nurturing the mother and babe for the first year. Some women simply fail to produce, sometimes just for their first baby while later pregnancies are fine, sometimes for any pregnancy.
You certainly aren't alone in your struggle, and the fact that you kept trying in order to give your son the very best that your body can provide speaks volumes of your character and stand as a shining example of what mothers are meant to do. We give everything we can to help our babies thrive. That everything may be different for each individual mother, but it's the heart and intent to provide that counts. :)
Yeah, stuff like that is rarely talked about. If you don't produce enough, then there is something wrong with you...there is so much pressure! I just got to the point where it wasn't doing us any good. If I'm crying and upset, I'm not going to produce anything, and it's just going to upset the baby. I'll try again with the next one, but I'm not going to kill myself to make it happen.
DeleteThis was almost EXACTLY my experience, to a T. I had one lactation counselor who was WONDERFUL and helped but didn't shame me, and another (who I unfortunately had to work with to get certain assistance) who basically made me feel like if I wasn't providing 100% boob juice, I was poisoning my baby.
ReplyDeleteI loved breastfeeding, I did it in public, I thought and still think it's the best way to go. But if it doesn't work for you, THAT IS OK, and you don't have to explain it or make excuses to anyone.
I didn't see a lactation consultant. I wish that I had, but at the time, the idea of trying to do that on top of everything else was just overwhelming...doesn't help the hospital is 35 miles away.
DeleteI know I felt guilty that I wasn't producing enough. And people make you feel guilty about that, and you shouldn't! The important thing is that baby is getting food and growing...doesn't really matter how that happens. As women, we need to support each other, not belittle them for their choices.